Klara de Villiers Counselling

Klara de Villiers Counselling 🌿 Specialist Wellness Counsellor [SWC22/1489]
📍 Cape Town [online]
🗣️ English | Afrikaans

🌵Life is full of cactus but we don't have to sit on it 🌵

As a mental health counsellor, I provide support and guidance to individuals facing emotional, psychological, or behavioral challenges. I help clients navigate feelings of constant stress, low moods, relationship struggles, and difficult past experiences. Through talk counselling and various counselling techniques, I create a safe space for clients to explore their emotions, develop coping strateg

ies, and improve their overall mental well-being. My goal is to empower clients to set and achieve personal goals, build resilience, and enhance their quality of life. I'm dedicated to promoting emotional balance and mental wellness.

17/03/2026

The only thing more clingy than this EXCELLENT cling peach I just ate (🍑🩷) is my brain clinging onto the hope that the blood sugar spike it will give me will help me finish writing these neurodiversity week captions. 🫠

In classic ADHD-style, I thought “let me just do one” and then next thing you know I am ovaries-deep into wikipedia and lusting after biltong.
integrative.counsellor is making a really good point here - that the things that are seen as “deficits” or what's “wrong” with the neurodivergent brain, are actually just indicators to how society is structured to only encourage (and accept) one way of doing things. The neurotypical way. And I really want to encourage you to ask yourself - if the existing template only exists to benefit a few, should the template not change?

Neurodiversity education and neuro-inclusive techniques should 💯% be part of all school curriculums.

To learn more about the terminology, the stats from our research, what's happening in the brain, what meds do, and our own experiences as neurodivergent people, go watch the full video at https://nikialexandra.com/.

Happy neurodiversity week, babes!

16/03/2026

WHOO for neurodiversity weeeeeeek!

Go on https://nikialexandra.com/ to watch the whole video! Also, instead of writing a long caption explaining how neurodivergents tell stories, literally just go read the captions of my other neurodiversity week reels and you’ll see what we mean. From talking about the plague to pooping in public, I do *not* stay on topic. But I DO get to the point eventually!

15/03/2026

My spectrum babes, unite! Friendly (but stern) reminder to eat enough! Take breaks! Go regulate! Also lol to all of us who have realised at the wrong place and the wrong time that if you don't plan when you're going to take your meds, you might have to visit a public bathroom and risk poopin’ around strangers. 💩 Why am I 31 and this is still, like, the most cringe thing ever? I have literally survived child birth!

(...Not giving birth, just.. you know.. being born 💅🏼)

Anyways, this was halfway through filming when .integrative.counsellor and I decided it's time for a break! 🌈

Omg right, the whole reason I am making this post is to tell y'all it's neurodiversity week and we filmed a great discussion for those of you who want to understand, learn more, or relate! I’m too busy getting distracted by the thought of eating that biltong we had on the day of filming and the lengths I’d go to get some biltong right now. Except drive to the shops and buy some. Or sixty60. Or anything that means I have to get up from the couch. Which is probably a good thing because it's been many a moon since I’ve had a vegetable, so I should probably try and eat one of those instead. Ew. Ugh. Fine. 🥕🍅🫑😤😤😤

Watch the video! https://nikialexandra.com/

14/03/2026

YAY FOR NEURODIVERSITY WEEK!

Nothing like breaking into song to express yourself properly 😂

Guys, the way I was avoiding my emotions two weeks ago because I thought if I paid attention to them, I would collapse under a pile of distress and fall to the floor like a Victorian-era boy who has succumbed to the plague 🪦 .

You can lead a mental health counsellor to water but can't make her remember to practice what she preaches, I guess? 🙃

Anyways, I always try to remind myself that emotions are generally supposed to be fleeting (obviously the intensity depends on the context), but our brains like to act as though, god forbid, it cannot deal with the chemicals that it literally produces ITSELF.

So, I did the things:

1. Name them: anxiety, self-doubt, excitement, dread. (Yep, the good ones can be muddled in with the difficult ones).
2. What do they put me in a state of? Overwhelm. How do I historically deal with extreme overwhelm? Shut-down, freeze, cannot make decisions.
3. How do we unfreeze? Grounding and then small steps. Getting out of freeze does not mean I will go into fight or flight. There's nothing I can do yet about the list of things that need to happen in the future. So for now, just focus on today.
4. After that? Go get out of the house. One-step-at-time can also include fun steps. The stuff that rejuvenates, not just the admin. We just want a little bit of behavioural activation.

…. Also, I had to Google which plagues were happening in the Victorian era (and when precisely the Victorian era was, we mainly focused on Jan van Riebeeck, Maria de la Queillerie, the Cold War, and WWII in Juffrou Swart's history class).

Spoiler alert: the answer is ‘many’. Cholera, Small Pox, Typhus, Yellow Fever, the Bubonic Plague, and Scarlet Fever. (Shout-out to old school Wikipedia!)

(Oh and if you want to watch the full video go to https://nikialexandra.com/ where .integrative.counsellor and I discuss all things neurodivergent!)

13/03/2026

Yay for our neurodivergent friends, 800/10 for entertainment, 0/10 for conciseness (bless them, shame).

Tomorrow neurodiversity week starts, make sure to check out the filmed discussion between .integrative.counsellor and myself in which we talk about the findings of our neurodiversity questionnaire, as well as talking about our own experiences and insights.

You can find it on https://nikialexandra.com/.

Also, side note, I highly recommend *not* driving while doing your therapy session! 😂 I've been going in-person and I actually lie-down, like they do in the movies, so that I can't see my therapist's face otherwise I tend to intellectualize and not *sit with the emotions* 🙄 (Yes, even the professionals need to practice what they preach, so we know the process ain't always easy!)

Earlier this year .integrative.counsellor and I did a research survey on neurodivergence with a sample size of 31 partic...
11/03/2026

Earlier this year .integrative.counsellor and I did a research survey on neurodivergence with a sample size of 31 participants. 50% of participants indicated they are AUDHD, 9.4% ASD, and 40.6% ADHD. Please swipe to see some of the most noteworthy stats.

We will be sharing a filmed discussion on the findings as well as our personal experiences which will become available during neurodiversity week (17-23 March). The full video will be available on klara-de-villiers.com and reels will be shared on my page & and on .integrative.counsellor’s page.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/what-is-neurodiversity-202111232645

Psychoeducation is probably the most crucial factor for challenging stigmas and misinformation around any topic. .integr...
09/03/2026

Psychoeducation is probably the most crucial factor for challenging stigmas and misinformation around any topic. .integrative.counselling and I did a small study with neurodivergent people to establish their experiences. The findings thereof and our personal experiences will be shared in a filmed discussion which will be available on my website (klara-de-villiers.com) in Neurodiversity Week (17-23 March).

The language society uses when discussing neurodivergence often contributes to stigmas that being neurodivergent is a ‘problem’, that it is ‘abnormal’, and that neurodivergent people have something ‘wrong’ with them.

Pathologizing language refers to the use of medicalized, ‘deficit-based’ terms that frame neurological differences as inherent ‘diseases’, ‘defects’ or ‘illnesseses’ that require a cure. This stops many people from asking for help, especially in a society that is designed to work for and support the neurotypical brain; directly leading to an increase in masking behaviours, which can have a majorly negative impact on the mental health and wellbeing of the millions of people who are neurodivergent.

The study found that more than half ‘agreed’ to ‘strongly agreed’ that -

a) learning about their neurotype had a positive impact on coping

b) they wished people understood neurodiversity better

c) psychoeducation & inclusive learning should be part of school curriculums

What are your thoughts? Please follow and like to learn more!

https://library.sheffieldchildrens.nhs.uk/what-are-executive-functions/
https://childmind.org/article/what-is-neurodiversity/
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/what-is-neurodiversity-202111232645
https://www.shapearts.org.uk/News/what-is-neurodiversity
https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/emotion-regulation
https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/basics/masking
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/autism-spectrum-disorders-asd

You aren't being dramatic. If you ever find yourself doubting if what you went through was “that bad” - remember how you...
05/03/2026

You aren't being dramatic.

If you ever find yourself doubting if what you went through was “that bad” - remember how you felt in the moment. The emotional abuser manages to gain control by making you question what’s real, often leaving you confused, anxious, or second-guessing yourself. Over time, it can erode your self-trust and sense of reality.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you doubt your own perceptions, memories, or feelings.

• They deny things you clearly remember happening, insisting you’re “imagining” it.
• They twist facts or events to make you feel like you’re overreacting or too sensitive.
• They blame you for their behavior, making it seem like their actions are your fault.
• They question your memory or judgment, leaving you unsure of what to trust.
• They use subtle comments or sarcasm to make you feel incompetent or unstable.

Often, we want to defend the people who hurt us because “they were going through so much” or they “have so much trauma”.

Their trauma still wasn't an excuse to traumatise you.

It's especially difficult to even identify what you went through as traumatic, when you find yourself doubting your experiences or not being able to find enough “proof” so that other people will believe you.

You don't need proof. Trust your gut.

Conflict in the workplace can come in many forms: disputes over projects, misread email tones, passive-aggressive commen...
04/03/2026

Conflict in the workplace can come in many forms: disputes over projects, misread email tones, passive-aggressive commentary or attitudes, differing approaches to deadlines, personality clashes, different communication styles, interpersonal issues, unclear responsibilities, cultural differences, financial mismanagement, or discrimination, to name a few.

Every time we avoid doing something that brings us distress, the relief we feel from that avoidance acts as ‘proof’ to our brains that conflict is a threat to our safety- reinforcing believes that conflict should be avoided at all costs. Through facing conflict, you can retrain your brain that conflict is manageable.

In dysfunctional households, conflict can become extremely dangerous, and children grow up believing that yelling, aggression, threats, or physical ab*se are synonymous with ‘conflict’.

Passive-aggressive conflict is expressed by making snide or petty remarks, silent treatment, hostility, resentment, sarcasm, sulking, procrastinating, or being deliberately inefficient. In both households, children are never taught how to communicate assertively, directly, or respectfully.

Sometimes there are big arguments, or extreme passive aggression, and then suddenly everything is ‘fine’ again. People seem happy and act as if everything is normal, seemingly completely forgetting that there was conflict at all. When parents don’t acknowledge this poor behaviour, explain to the children that they dealt with it wrong, publicly apologising and forgiving each other, or apologise to the children, they are never taught any type of healthy conflict resolution. As grownups, they have no idea how to manage conflict successfully, either fearing it or believing approaching it will be pointless.

https://www.healthline.com/health/conflict-avoidance
https://missionconnectionhealthcare.com/mental-health/social-interpersonal-symptoms/conflict-avoidance

There are many reasons why we fear rejection - especially if you have a core belief of “I am not good enough”. You’ll of...
03/03/2026

There are many reasons why we fear rejection - especially if you have a core belief of “I am not good enough”.

You’ll often find this mentality in people who had to perform to receive praise or attention as children (e.g., your parents were disinterested or distracted other than when you did well at school or in sport).

‘Golden child syndrome’ is an extreme version of this - a dynamic you find in dysfunctional family structures in which one child is pressured to perform perfectly, affection is based on their achievements and mistakes are severely criticised. The child is often seen as an extension of the parent, who likely wants the child to fulfil their unfulfilled dreams. Narcissistic parents are often to blame.

We also struggle to say ‘no’ or set boundaries at work if we have past experiences of traumatic rejections (e.g., physical or emotional abandonment as children); low self-esteem or self-worth; insecure attachment styles, or growing up in households where you were socially conditioned that saying no is rude, impolite, or selfish.

It’s important to remember that boundaries aren’t just important, but crucial. When we prioritise work above all else, we are much more likely to damage our personal relationships, experience burnout, and suffer not just mental distress, but also increased vulnerability to physical illness.

Follow for part 2!

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/golden-child-syndrome/
https://elisabettafranzoso.com/articles/how-to-overcome-your-fear-of-rejection

Address

Vredehoek
Cape Town
8001

Opening Hours

Monday 09:00 - 16:00
Tuesday 09:00 - 17:00
Wednesday 10:00 - 17:00
Thursday 09:00 - 17:00
Friday 09:00 - 16:00

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Klara de Villiers Counselling posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Shortcuts

Share

Category