Mytherapy Charlene Cole- Counselling Psychologist

05/09/2026

When an adult uses affection and their love and withdrawal of to punish and communicate displeasure or dissatisfaction with a behaviour they are teaching a child that love and affection is conditional. This and silent treatment teaches a child that they are rejected and that love is not available if they do wrong. Very damaging. A child will often grow into adult hood and withdraw from showing any affection to that adult in order to protect themselves. If there is no affection or show of love they can't take it away when I'm bad. A defence mechanism and survival mode for the child/adult.

18/07/2026

30/06/2026

A child’s meltdown is not “bad behaviour.” It is often a nervous system saying, “I can’t cope right now.”

When big feelings, sensory overload, fear, frustration or stress build up, a child’s brain can switch into survival mode. That means the part of the brain needed for listening, reasoning, problem solving and using words becomes much harder to access.

So when we say, “Calm down,” “Use your words,” or “Why are you doing this?” they may genuinely not be able to respond the way we want them to.

In that moment, they don’t need a lecture.
They don’t need shame.
They don’t need twenty instructions.

They need calm.
They need safety.
They need connection.
They need an adult who can lend them their nervous system until theirs settles.

The behaviour we see might be crying, shouting, running away, refusing, hitting, kicking or collapsing into tears. But underneath, there is usually a child who is overwhelmed, not a child who is choosing to make life difficult.

Support first. Teach later.

Because once the storm has passed and their thinking brain comes back online, that is when reflection, learning, repair and problem solving can actually happen.

Changing how we understand meltdowns changes how we respond. And sometimes, that changes everything for a child.

FREE CHILD MELTDOWN BRAIN CYCLE PRINTABLE PDF FOR PARENTS

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05/06/2026

This week we are thinking about secondary school!

02/06/2026

Activities for sensory seekers

27/05/2026

Seen often in adult clients working through trauma of their youth. Much of it to do with their upbringing and how the silent treatment came from a parent. So damaging. So abusive.

The silent treatment is so traumatic for a child because it's not only a form of emotional neglect, it's a targeted message: when you upset me, you no longer exist. Done over and over, this creates a deep abandonment wound.

For a child, who depends so much on consistent love and attention, the silent treatment feels like an erasure of their very being. It’s not just about the absence of words or affection; it’s a clear and painful signal that their feelings, needs, and presence are unwelcome or unacceptable. This rejection, especially when it comes from the very people meant to protect and nurture them, shakes the foundation of their emotional development. The child learns that expressing themselves or making mistakes leads to being ignored, which fosters confusion, insecurity, and a profound sense of loneliness.

Repeated exposure to the silent treatment shapes a child’s view of relationships, teaching them that love is conditional and that they must walk on eggshells to avoid emotional abandonment. This can lead to an internalized fear of rejection and a desperate need for approval, often causing difficulties with trust and intimacy later in life. The abandonment wound created by this pattern is not easily healed, as it lingers beneath the surface, influencing how the child—soon to be adult—views themselves and others.

Healing from this trauma requires recognizing the impact of emotional neglect and working through the pain of feeling invisible. It involves learning to validate one’s own feelings and developing self-compassion to counteract the messages received in childhood. Understanding this deep and lasting harm is vital—not only for those who experienced it but also for caregivers who want to break harmful cycles and foster healthier emotional connections with the children in their care.

26/05/2026

Signs of insecurity

23/05/2026

How to teach child not to hit others

19/05/2026

Your past does not matter