Totally Me Tracy Intimacy & Relationship Coach

Totally Me Tracy Intimacy & Relationship Coach Struggling with disconnection, low desire, or communication breakdowns? Medical Aid rates apply.*
Online sessions are available.

I help individuals and couples rediscover intimacy, reignite desire, and build stronger connections with compassion, curiosity, and no shame.

The Right Time Is Now ❤️We spend so much of our lives waiting.Waiting to lose the weight.Waiting for the children to lea...
09/08/2026

The Right Time Is Now ❤️

We spend so much of our lives waiting.

Waiting to lose the weight.
Waiting for the children to leave home.
Waiting until work settles down.
Waiting until our partner changes.
Waiting until we feel more confident.
Waiting until life is less stressful.

And somewhere along the way, we place our own pleasure, desire, and aliveness on hold.

But here’s the truth…

Life isn’t a dress rehearsal.

We’re here for a good time, not a long time.

Your s*xuality isn’t something that begins when everything is finally perfect. It is part of your health, your identity, your confidence, and your joy right now.

You don’t have to earn pleasure by reaching a certain weight.
You don’t have to wait until your children are grown.
You don’t have to put your body on hold because it doesn’t look the way it did twenty years ago.
And you certainly don’t have to wait for someone else to give you permission to feel alive.

There will always be another reason to postpone yourself.

The question is…

How many more years are you willing to wait before giving yourself permission to fully live?

Your body is with you today.
Your relationship is happening today.
Your life is happening today.

The right time isn’t someday.

The right time is now.

✨ Save this as your reminder.
❤️ Share it with a woman who keeps putting herself last.

One microphone. A room full of love songs. Zero pressure to be any good at it.Couples Karaoke Night is a fresh spin on d...
07/08/2026

One microphone. A room full of love songs. Zero pressure to be any good at it.

Couples Karaoke Night is a fresh spin on date night, made for laughing until your sides hurt and falling for your person all over again.

Wed 2 Sept, Beer Park Sandton. R600 per couple. Spaces are limited.

Book your spot: [email protected]

We think we know our partners.We know the way they like their coffee, their pet peeves, or their favourite food. And so ...
27/07/2026

We think we know our partners.

We know the way they like their coffee, their pet peeves, or their favourite food. And so we stop asking because we think we already know. But knowing someone's habits is not the same as knowing their inner world.

Couples often grow apart because they stop growing curious. Curiosity is what keeps a relationship new. The moment we stop being genuinely interested in who our partner is becoming, things start to quietly plateau.

Curiosity is a choice and it requires effort. The effort is in the wanting to know more. It tells your partner that they are still exciting and interesting. It tells them that what they have to say is important.
When we stop paying attention, we lose connection.

When your partner tells you what they had for breakfast, ask more questions. ‘What did it taste like?’ “What else did you make with your eggs?’ ‘How was your coffee?’
If you ask how their day was, stay and listen. Take note. Go deeper. ‘How did that feel?’ Avoid cross-examining them. Just remain open to hearing them.

Date night is the perfect opportunity to really get down and discover so much about each other that you may have forgotten or get to know them again in a totally new way. This is a sure way to create that spark that has been missing for son long.

Try these with your partner tonight:
1. What's your first memory of seeing your parents together?
2. What is your deepest desire from me today?
3. How can I love you better right now?
4. What makes you feel most seen and wanted in this relationship?
5. What's something you've always wanted to share with me but never have?

See where they take you.

You don't need to go away for a weekend to reignite connection. You just need to get genuinely curious about the person sitting right across from you and be brave enough to ask.

Respect in a relationship isn't about being polite. Most of us think we've got it covered because we don't yell, don't n...
23/07/2026

Respect in a relationship isn't about being polite. Most of us think we've got it covered because we don't yell, don't name-call, and treat each other decently on the surface. But surface-level respect can sit right alongside deeper disrespect.

Real respect means recognising that your partner is a whole, complete person with their own thoughts, feelings, needs, and dreams, and that those things matter just as much as yours do. It shows up in the small, everyday moments. Asking before making plans that affect both of you. Taking your partner's concerns seriously even when you don't fully understand them. Honouring their time and their boundaries without making them feel like a burden for having them.

Respect and agreement are not the same thing. A mature relationship is one where you can say "I don't agree with you on this, and I still respect that it matters to you." You don't have to understand your partner's needs completely to honour them.

I think about a couple where one partner thrives on a full social calendar and the other needs quiet weekends to recharge. Neither need is wrong. The shift happens when they stop trying to change each other and start working with their differences instead. Some weekends are busy, some are quiet, and neither person feels bad about what they need. That's respect in practice.

Your needs are valid. So are your partner's, even when they pull in different directions. If navigating that feels hard right now, book a session with me at totallyme.co.za and let's work through it together.

Staying quiet feels like the safe choice. And I understand why. If you never say it, you never have to risk hearing no.T...
21/07/2026

Staying quiet feels like the safe choice. And I understand why. If you never say it, you never have to risk hearing no.

The people who wait for certainty before they speak are not protecting themselves. They are making the decision for both people. They are closing the door before love even gets a chance to walk through it.

Going first is not desperation. It is a decision. The difference is that desperation comes from fear of being alone, while choosing to speak, choosing to be honest about what you feel, that comes from knowing your own worth. One shrinks you. The other sets you free.

The one who says the tender thing, who reaches out, who lets themselves be seen, is not foolish. You are brave. And you are far more likely to get the love you’ve been hoping for than the one who keeps waiting for a sign that never comes.

You don't need certainty. You need courage. And if you're ready to stop waiting and start showing up for yourself, I'd love to help you get there. Book a session at totallyme.co.za.

Most couples assume their partner experiences s*x the same way they do. So when I chatted to Metro FM about s*x personal...
30/06/2026

Most couples assume their partner experiences s*x the same way they do.

So when I chatted to Metro FM about s*x personalities, I wanted to make it as practical as possible, because this is something every couple needs to understand.

Here's what I mean by s*x personality: it's the unique way you experience, express, and value s*x and intimacy. Just like your everyday personality shapes how you move through the world, your s*x personality shapes what makes you feel desired, connected, and fulfilled in your relationship.

There are a few core types.
The Sensual craves romance and emotional connection.
The Erotic is fuelled by passion and novelty.
The Reactive finds that desire follows arousal, rather than the other way around.
The Comfort Seeker uses intimacy to feel safe.
The Stress Reliever genuinely unwinds through s*x.

Most of us are a blend of a few of these, and that blend can shift across different seasons of your life.

S*x personality isn't about how often you want s*x. It's about what s*x means to you, and understanding what it means to your partner.

You don't need a perfect match. You need curiosity and communication.

If this is resonating, I'd love to explore it with you.

You can listen to the full interview on my website: https://totallyme.co.za/tracy-ziman-jacobs-in-the-media/

Book a session at totallyme.co.za or drop me a message here.

Empathy and compassion are related but they're not the same thing. Empathy is the ability to understand and feel what yo...
25/06/2026

Empathy and compassion are related but they're not the same thing.

Empathy is the ability to understand and feel what your partner is experiencing.

Compassion is empathy plus action. It's saying, "I see that you're struggling, I understand why this is hard for you, and I want to help ease your burden."

In relationships, compassion shows up as being gentle with each other's wounds, offering support without waiting to be asked, choosing kindness even when you're frustrated, and caring about your partner's pain even when you don't fully understand it. It means their suffering matters to you.

What I notice consistently in my work with couples is this: when compassion is present, couples can weather almost anything. When it's absent, even small issues become major conflicts. Think about your last disagreement. Did you approach your partner with compassion, or were you focused on defending your position?

A simple "I hear that you're frustrated because you feel like I'm not listening. That must be really lonely." can feel mechanical at first. But slowly, with consistency, you can shift the trajectory of your relationship.

And one more thing worth saying: compassion starts with yourself. You cannot give what you don't have. If you're constantly harsh and critical with yourself, extending genuine compassion to your partner will always feel like a stretch.

Book a session with me and let's work on both. 🤍

www.totallyme.co.za

Most couples want deeper connection, but they're not always sure how to get there. Sometimes it starts with a single, ho...
25/05/2026

Most couples want deeper connection, but they're not always sure how to get there. Sometimes it starts with a single, honest question.

Questions like:
- In what ways can I love you better?
- What have you been telling me that's important to you that I keep missing?
- What do you need from me that I struggle to give you?
- What's something you feel I haven't fully accepted about you?

These aren't easy questions to ask, and they're even harder to hear the answers to. Because the answers will likely reveal something uncomfortable: a pattern you've been repeating, a gap between what your partner needs and what you've been giving, a place where they've been quietly editing themselves around you.

Your ability to truly hear those answers, without getting defensive, shutting down, or turning it back on your partner, matters more than the asking itself. When someone is vulnerable with you and they're met with defensiveness or attack, they learn not to do it again. That's how couples slowly stop talking about the things that actually matter.

Emotional maturity in relationships is a skill, and it's one that can be learned. If you'd like support navigating these kinds of conversations without falling into old patterns, book a session with me at totallyme.co.za.

One of the most common things I hear from couples in long-term relationships is that the chemistry has faded. The love i...
16/04/2026

One of the most common things I hear from couples in long-term relationships is that the chemistry has faded. The love is still there, deep and real, but the desire feels like it belongs to an earlier version of the relationship.

What they're actually missing is eros: the erotic energy that thrives not on comfort but on mystery, on longing, on wanting.

The shift doesn't require anything new or dramatic. It requires looking at what you already have with fresh eyes. Giving your partner space to be fully themselves. Staying connected to your own desires in the presence of the person you love. Allowing your relationship to be both your anchor and your adventure.

Desire doesn't disappear. It waits for you to come looking.

Visit totallyme.co.za to find out more about working with Tracy.

*xPositive

I've never seen a happy s*xless marriage where one partner needs s*xual connection to feel fulfilled, and I don't think ...
14/04/2026

I've never seen a happy s*xless marriage where one partner needs s*xual connection to feel fulfilled, and I don't think I ever will.

When you commit to monogamy, you become each other's only source of s*xual intimacy. That's a responsibility you've both chosen together, and it deserves to be taken seriously.

Many women don't realise that their desire pattern changes over time, and this is completely normal. If you're no longer 20, child-free, and carefree, your desire has likely shifted from spontaneous to responsive, which means you won't feel aroused until you actually get going. This doesn't mean you're no longer attracted to your partner. It's simply how desire works for most women as life evolves.

Think of s*x a little like exercise. You don't always wake up desperate to move your body, but once you start, you're almost always glad you did. Desire follows engagement, and engagement is a choice you can make even when the mood doesn't strike you first.

Body image struggles, exhaustion, stress, hormonal shifts, feeling disconnected from your partner, these are all real barriers that deserve genuine attention and compassion. But the goal is to lower those barriers together, not to let s*xual connection quietly disappear when life gets hard.

S*xual intimacy is how many people feel loved, seen, and genuinely close to their partner. If something is standing in the way of that for you, it's worth exploring rather than pushing through or ignoring entirely.

Book a session at totallyme.co.za and let's work through it together.

*xualIntimacy

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