07/10/2026
A decade of moving forward with grief.
Every year I think the date on the calendar will pass more gently. It has been different every single year. This year, the 10-year anniversary, hit me harder than any other year. A huge personal milestone for me - we have built a new life, new normal and new memories - a decade of them.
I wondered if it is normal...
"Yes, it is entirely normal to experience severe grief exhaustion on the death anniversary of your husband, even 10 years later.
What you are experiencing is commonly referred to by psychologists as an anniversary reaction. It is not a sign that you are "failing" at grieving, nor does it mean you haven't moved forward.
It is a profound reflection of how deeply you loved him and how significantly his life - and his death - impacted yours."
~ Why This Happens 10 Years Later ~
The Body Keeps Score:
The human nervous system is an extraordinary timekeeper. Long before your conscious mind registers the date on the calendar, your brain responds to subtle sensory cues - the specific slant of the spring light, the change in temperature, or seasonal scents. Your body remembers the trauma of the loss and triggers a survival response, flooding you with stress hormones that leave you feeling utterly depleted.
The "Invisible" Mental Load:
Society often expects grief to have a neat expiration date, but grief changes rather than disappears. When an anniversary approaches, your brain expends a massive amount of background energy processing memories, re-evaluating your life without him, and navigating the permanent "secondary losses" (the future you didn't get to have together). This acts like an open app on a phone, completely draining your battery without you realizing it.
The Days Leading Up Can Be Harder:
Many people find that the anticipatory dread and fatigue in the days or weeks before the anniversary are actually more exhausting than the day itself.
~How to Navigate the Milestone Exhaustion~
Expect the "Crash":
Since you know this date carries a heavy energetic toll, try to clear your schedule as much as possible. Treat the days surrounding the anniversary as a time for low stakes and high rest.
Practice Body-Based Grounding:
Because this exhaustion is highly physical, gentle somatic care helps more than trying to "think" your way out of it. Warm baths, a weighted blanket, simple stretching, or just lying down without your phone can give your hyper-vigilant nervous system a chance to stand down.
Release the Guilt:
Forgiving yourself for being tired is crucial. Experiencing fatigue a decade later is a normal variation of the human experience, not a psychological setback.
This time of the year has always been my favorite. Subsequently - the toughest time, emotionally and physically - compounded with important dates in a short space of time - my daughter's birthday, our wedding anniversary, the death anniversary and the birth day of our son, on my birthday - days after the sudden goodbye. Trauma playing up at night, memories jumbled with good and dark. All this, while life is life-ing.
Grief has no set timeline. The body keeps the score. It's a thing. Even 10 years later 🕊
Love, Mariandra 🤍
