21/10/2026
Behind this smile, a lot was going on.
This photo was taken on my 40th birthday.
I was surrounded by people I love, celebrating a life I'm genuinely grateful for.
But that day, I was sad.
Not because I was turning 40. I'd made peace with that a long time ago.
I was sad because I hadn't achieved one dream: becoming a mum.
I've always wanted children, but I also wanted to find the right person to share that journey with. And finding that person takes time.
Now that I have, I'm realising that time hasn't necessarily been on my side.
After months of hoping, trying, tracking and testing, I'm still not pregnant.
I thought giving myself time, enjoying life and reducing stress might help. But things haven't worked out as I'd hoped.
So now, it's time to seek medical help and find out what comes next.
I've kept a lot of this to myself. And I've realised how emotionally exhausting it can be to carry something in silence.
I'm not sharing this for sympathy.
I'm sharing it because we often hear about women becoming mothers in their 40s, but we hear much less about those who are trying and struggling.
And because sometimes, the happiest-looking person in the room is carrying something you know nothing about.
So before asking someone, "When are you having kids?", remember that it might be a much more painful question than you realise.
We all have our own battles. This happens to be mine.
I don't know what the next chapter will bring.
But I no longer want to pretend that everything is always fine.