Abylistens Counselling

Abylistens Counselling Helping you build thriving Christian marriages through God-centered emotional and physical intimacy.

Not being accountable to anyone in your marriage is a big red flag.That means you can be misbehaving as a husband or wif...
12/08/2026

Not being accountable to anyone in your marriage is a big red flag.

That means you can be misbehaving as a husband or wife, hurting your spouse, making terrible decisions, and there is absolutely no one who can call you to order.

And please, it is not a flex. It is a big red flag.

This is why I honestly have so much pity for people who send their marital issues to online communities for advice.

Not necessarily because seeking advice is wrong, but because the internet often doesn’t know you, doesn’t know your spouse, doesn’t know the full story, and will happily validate you based on the one-sided version you chose to tell.

Every married person needs at least one or two wise, mature and trustworthy people who can tell them:

”My friend, Get down! Or you’re wrong.”

Not people who will always take your side. Not people who will encourage you to retaliate. Not people who will turn every disagreement into “leave him/her.” Not unmarried people that are clueless themselves. Or spawns of the devil hiding under fake accounts.

But People who love you both enough to correct you… who are interested in your marriage.

Biblically, we are not designed to live without accountability.

Your marriage needs privacy, yes But privacy is not the same as isolation especially when everything is beginning to go south.

Have people in your life who can celebrate your marriage with you and lovingly call you to order when you’re the problem. ❤️

I receive a number of personal and private questions day in day out but you won’t see me post it here for all manner of people to run comments that might impact people’s life negatively.

That’s why I have a community for Christian wives where questions are asked freely and it’s controlled

May God give us wisdom to build our homes.

I’m rooting for you guys! ❤️

11/08/2026

I’m rooting for you!

You can skip the process and heartaches that comes with learning about s*x by experience by getting the 30 days to better secs course Now!!

You get access to👇🏽

📌over 20 videos
📌Private telegram community
📌 Regular update to course at no extra cost
📌 Free e-book
📌Free reflection templates
📌Free powerful confession over your marriage

Click the link in my bio to grab yours!

10/08/2026

I’m rooting for you

P**n won’t teach you anything It will only steal, kill and destroy your intimacy
07/08/2026

P**n won’t teach you anything

It will only steal, kill and destroy your intimacy

03/08/2026

1. Your hygiene is fighting against your prayers.

Only you;
Bad breath.
Body odour.
Long, dirty nails.
Poor intimate hygiene.

These things don’t suddenly become attractive because you’re married.
Please brush your teeth, wear deodorant, trim your nails, shower before bed if you’ve had a long day, and take care of yourself. Your wife shouldn’t have to pray against your mouth before kissing you. 😂

2. You gaslight your wife, then wonder why she doesn’t feel close to you.
Every concern she raises becomes:
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“That’s not what I meant.”

When a woman constantly feels dismissed, she begins to shut down emotionally.
And emotional distance often becomes physical distance too.
Instead of defending yourself immediately, you could ask;
Help me understand how that made you feel.

3. You only become affectionate when you want intimacy. 🌚

If the only time you’re hugging, complimenting, or holding her hand is because you’re hoping it leads somewhere...
She’ll notice.
Real affection shouldn’t come with hidden terms and conditions.
Pursue her because you love her, not just because you’re hoping for ge***al meet and greet.

4. You don’t help carry the mental and physical load.
She has worked all day.
Taken care of the children.
Cooked.
Cleaned.
Sorted out school matters.
Answered family calls.
Then you roll over at 11 p.m. with, “Babe...” 😂
Babe where 😏

Sometimes what she needs most isn’t another request, it’s a partner who notices and lightens the load.
Helping around the house isn’t “babysitting” or “assisting your wife.” It’s participating in your own home. Let homemaker rest sometimes😊

5. You’ve stopped being a student of your wife. ❤️
The woman you married five years ago isn’t exactly the same woman today.
Her body changes.
Her preferences change.
Her needs change.
Her stress levels change.

Great husbands stay curious.
They want to know:
“How can I love you better?”
“What helps you feel connected to me?”
“What would make intimacy more enjoyable for you?”
Don’t assume. Learn.

I’m rooting for you👍

01/08/2026

Throwback 🙊

Still true today

Happy new month fam … all through the month of August, let it feel right 😉

Signed,
Your favourite intimacy coach

31/07/2026

Marriage doesn’t magically produce self-control. It simply reveals the character you already built before saying ‘I do.’

Here are some signs;
1. He expects intimacy on demand.
He struggles to hear ‘not tonight’ without becoming moody, angry, or withdrawn.
2. His focus is always on his own satisfaction.
He rushes the experience and pays little attention to his wife’s comfort, emotions, or enjoyment.
3. He struggles with delayed gratification.
If his wife is tired, recovering, stressed, or simply needs more emotional connection first, he becomes frustrated instead of patient.
4. He sees intimacy as an entitlement rather than a mutual gift.
Instead of asking, pursuing, and connecting, he demands.
5. He hasn’t learned to regulate his desires.
Biblical self-control means your desires don’t control you; you control them.

A man who practiced self-control before marriage is more likely to be patient, gentle, considerate, and loving in marriage.

Dear Christian husbands, this is an invitation to grow.

One of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control (Galatians 5:22–23), and that fruit should be evident both inside and outside the bedroom.

Marriage is a revealer

Self-control isn’t just about abstaining before marriage. It’s also about how you love, honour, and care for your spouse after marriage.

A husband who has learned self-control doesn’t pressure, manipulate, or guilt his wife into intimacy. He understands that love is patient, considerate, and mutual.

Im rooting for you dear Christian couples ❤️

What’s one quality you believe every man should develop before getting married?

Feel free to send that dm today!
30/07/2026

Feel free to send that dm today!

30/07/2026

📌I refuse to lose myself in marriage.
I will keep growing, learning, pursuing my purpose, and becoming the woman God has called me to be.

📌I intentionally make time for myself.
Self-care isn’t selfish. Whether it’s a solo date, reading a book, getting my hair done, taking a walk, or simply resting, I pour back into myself too.
I won’t expect my husband to be my everything(even though he is 😅)

📌I nurture my friendships, check in, call or message my friends, and maintain healthy relationships outside my marriage. One person shouldn’t carry the weight of meeting every emotional need.

📌I choose communication over silent resentment.
If something is bothering me, I’ll talk about it with love instead of expecting him to read my mind or allowing bitterness to grow.

📌I keep dating my husband.
Marriage shouldn’t be all bills, chores, and raising children. I plan dates, games, outings and intentionally create moments to laugh, flirt, pray, and enjoy each other.

what’s one rule you’ve set for yourself to protect your joy in marriage? I’ll be in the comments👇🏽

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