13/12/2022
Christmas Blues?
I’ll admit, I’ve been in denial about Christmas. Now it’s less than two weeks away, I thought I should probably acknowledge it’s happening.
Why would I be in denial? Because I’m one of the many people for whom Christmas is a difficult time of year.
With the ever-increasing commercialisation of Christmas, I think we’ve lost sight of what it’s really about. The superficial trappings – all the food, the presents, the decorations – are really not important. People matter most. There is so much social pressure to appear to be brimming with happiness, but such pressure only serves to further isolate those who aren’t feeling the merriment. Problems don’t go away just because it’s Christmas. It’s okay not to be okay and to be honest about your feelings.
For me, it’s been different since my baby daughter died. Suddenly the tinsel, the parties, the schmaltzy adverts all rang hollow. What was the point any more? In the early years, we worked hard to give our family Christmas meaning. Rather than trying to follow all the usual family traditions as if everything was normal, we started some new ones. For example, we went out for a Christmas day walk and a picnic lunch on a frozen beach, then came home to our favourite foods in the evening. It was a way to mark the day and be together, where nobody had to pretend to be happy for anyone else’s sake. Surprisingly, those were some of my happiest Christmas memories.
Christmases in my childhood were mixed. I have some happy memories of the magic of Christmas, nestled alongside unhappy ones spent with toxic relatives. It’s an uneasy blend.
More recently, I’ll be honest, Christmas has been lonely at times. Being alone on a day when you know other people are surrounded by their families can feel quite isolating.
This year, I’m facing the fact my mum is unwell and this may turn out to be our last Christmas together. There’s an element of anxiety and a sense of pressure to make it count.
If for whatever reason, you’re not feeling full of festive cheer right now, know that you are not alone. Whether it’s because you’re missing someone who has died, because of past unhappy Christmas memories, because you are on your own, because of illness, or indeed for any other reason, your feelings are entirely normal and perfectly valid.
It doesn’t make you the Grinch. You’re not a party pooper. You’re not a bad person.
So what can we do to survive the festivities and reduce anxiety? Here are my top tips:
1. Listen to your heart – how do you want to celebrate Christmas? What would make it feel more comfortable for you this year? What changes can you make?
2. Make a list of the little things you can do that make you feel better – it could be simple things like a relaxing bubble bath, a walk in nature, or listening to music. Choose at least one thing to do each day that’s just for you and enjoy it.
3. Be mindful. Take a few minutes to sit, close your eyes and focus on your breathing. When thoughts interrupt, simply notice them without engaging with them and gently refocus your attention on your breathing. We spend so much time ruminating on the past or worrying about the future that we often fail to notice what’s going on right now. Meditation helps by bringing you back into the present moment.
4. Avoid comparing yourself to other people. Other people’s social media posts about their perfect Christmas aren’t showing you the whole picture. They don’t share the tantrums or the arguments. It’s unhelpful to measure yourself against unrealistic images of perfection.
5. Practice gratitude. Each day, try to notice at least three things that make you smile. It could be the smallest of things, like sunshine on a crisp, frosty morning, or enjoying a cup of coffee. Pay attention to the little things and express your gratitude for them, then notice how you feel. It’s impossible to feel negative emotions at the same time as feeling grateful.
6. Give the gift of time wisely. Spend quality time with people you genuinely care about, family or friends, and be fully present, give them your full attention. Avoid toxic people who drain your energy and avoid over-committing yourself – make sure there is time in your busy schedule for you.
7. Talk. Tell people how you’re feeling and be honest. It’s good to acknowledge your feelings and to share with someone who will listen without judgement. The Samaritans are excellent listeners who are available for everyone 24/7. You don’t have to be desperate to call them – 116 123.
However you are spending Christmas this year, I wish you peace and happiness. I am here if you need me, please don’t hesitate to send me a message or email [email protected] if you want to talk to someone who understands.
