05/09/2026
“How are you, hun?”
“Fine, thanks.”
“Yeah, good.”
“We’re doing great.”
How many times have we had this exact conversation during pregnancy, after having a baby, or when we're knee-deep in toddler life?
We ask it.
We answer it.
And most of the time, neither of us really means it.
Because “How are you?” can actually be a really big question.
Especially when you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, touched out, struggling with feeding, not sleeping, feeling lonely, trying to keep a toddler alive and happy, or wondering how everyone else seems to be managing it all so much better than you.
As a culture, we’ve become very good at hiding the hard bits.
We see everyone else seemingly doing an amazing job and convince ourselves that we must be the only ones struggling.
The tidy house.
The happy children.
The packed lunches.
The smiling family photos.
The “loving every minute” posts.
What we don't always see is what happens behind closed doors.
The tears in the bathroom.
The toddler tantrum that pushed you over the edge.
The dinner you couldn't face making.
The night you barely slept.
The feeling that you're giving everything to everyone and there's nothing left for you.
So if you’re the person saying, “How are you, hun?”, maybe try making the question a little easier to answer.
Try:
“How are you really finding things today?”
“Have you managed to eat anything?”
“Do you want to talk, or shall I just sit with you?”
“What can I do to make today a little easier?”
And sometimes, of course, ask the bigger questions too:
“How are you really finding things?”
“Is there anything you’re finding hard at the moment?”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Because sometimes a positive, specific question makes it much easier to open up.
🫶🏻And if you're the person being asked…
You don't have to say you're fine.
Pregnancy, birth, becoming a parent and raising little people can be beautiful.
And bloody hard.
Both can be true.
Let's make it a little more normal to say so. 🤍
