17/06/2026
Yes aka the flight trauma response. Perfectionism can become the aim, if I am perfect, if I dont do anything wrong, I will be acceptable, safe, worthy. Its a defence against shame. Toxic shame.
It becomes more difficult to feel and experience emotions because imperfection, making mistakes, being vulnerable and criticism unconsciously trigger the shame that was too intense to feel at the time.
Shame acts like a cloak to keep us hidden and protected from further shame.
But the shame was never ours to carry. Shame, like all distressing emotions, can be relinquished when faced, felt and released.
The tragic reality is that facing and connecting with toxic shame is the antithesis of the action urge of shame. The action urge of shame is to hide but in toxic shame this achieves nothing.
There is a conspiracy around shame. Its seldom spoken about, identified or named because to do so evokes shames 'power'. Toxic shame holds us back from achieving our potential, standing out from the crowd, having emotionally and physically intimate relationships and getting out of our comfort zones. Stay small to stay safe 🙏...
Facing the trauma or neglect that lead to the toxic shame landing is emotional freedom. It removes the cloak and enables us to stop fearing failure or vulnerability.
Toxic shame is not a friend... as what begins as protection becomes a prison...
