08/13/2026
Back to school
August is a time of change. It is the end of summer break and the start of a new school year, which brings school sports, after-school programs, and so much more. Going back to school can be a difficult time for both parents and children. The loss of summer possibilities and freedoms is replaced by the unknowns of a new school year, which can seem daunting and overwhelming for both parents and children. Children worry about their new classes and the friends they will make. While parents worry that their children will be safe, happy, and learning while in school. To make the transition more manageable and empowering for you and your children, try implementing the following four things.
Number 1: Starting the school routine early. As summer comes to an end, one of the hardest parts can be returning to old schedules. Starting the school routine early can help prepare your children for what’s to come and give you time to work through any negative behavior or unwillingness before school starts. Working out unwillingness beforehand can lead to fewer days of feeling like you are fighting to get your child to school. Routines are an important part of life, especially for children and teens. The structure of a routine can improve mental health and help lessen feelings of anxiety. Try setting a schedule for bedtimes, mealtimes, and screen time before school starts to help your child get into the groove of their new routine. Helping your child choose and set out clothes for the next day can also help relieve some anxiety children may have and make mornings run a little smoother.
Number 2: Communication and empathy. Not every child is going to react the same way to the possibilities a new school year can bring. Anxiety and fears can be common emotions children and teens feel as the start of school gets closer. Establish early in your school routine a set time to talk with each of your children individually about the good things and their fears and anxieties. This could be 10-15 minutes or longer when needed. Without judgement, listen to their concerns and help them problem-solve. Statements like “you’re too old to be feeling that way”, “you're being dramatic”, etc. can close off communication with your child as they may feel unheard and judged. Instead, use reflective listening skills such as “I can see why X, Y, Z could be scary for you”, “thank you for telling me that X, Y, Z is causing you anxiety (or other emotion), let's problem solve together”, etc. to validate their experience. This can help your child feel heard and increase their level of comfort in coming to you later when things pop up in school that are causing them anxiety, fear, or any other emotion. Creating a set time in the day for each of your children individually will give them the opportunity daily to express either the good or bad things that happened in their day and can lead to more trust and comfort in their relationship with you.
Number 3: Use positive reinforcements. Using positive reinforcements can make a world of difference in a child’s behaviors and attitude. It is very easy to point out the negative things your child is doing or areas that they need to improve. We can forget to acknowledge the good things they do when we are stressed, and their behaviors are driving us crazy. As parents, you also feel stressed and overwhelmed by the responsibilities and expectations you face raising your children to be good kids, and it can be easy to fall into a pattern of only seeing areas of improvement. These comments that we say in hopes to improve our child can eventually cause feelings of self-doubt and that they are not good enough. We do not intend our words to have that effect, but they can, if we are only ever pointing out the negative things they do or how we want them to change. Using phrases like “thank you for doing X, Y, Z, I know that is something you don’t like to do”, “you did a really good job this morning getting ready without help, I am really proud of you”, “you worked really hard on that math problem, I know math is hard for you”, etc. can help boost your child’s confidence and point out that they can do hard things and things they do not like to do. These positive reinforcements extend to how you talk about your kids with family members or other adults. Saying positive things about your child to others either in the child’s presence or not will increase their feeling of self-worth and affect how the other adults in their life treat them. It may take some time of using the positive reinforcements before you see a change; you may start to feel like “what’s the point,” but stick with it. What’s the harm of saying something positive?
Number 4: Create times for coping and stress relief. The first weeks of school can be hard for kids as they are creating their own routine that allows them to complete and excel in their school responsibilities as well as their social commitments such as sports, friends, etc. There are going to be times when they are overwhelmed with everything and feel one area of their life is not receiving enough attention. Work to recognize and help them recognize when they need to do something that relieves stress. Setting time aside to do something fun together with your child daily or weekly can help reinforce to the child that it’s important to incorporate stress relief into their week. You could also try incorporating breathing exercises and positive mantras in the morning to help you and your children start the day with a positive attitude. Children learn by example. If they see you using a coping skill or stress reliever when you are stressed, it teaches them to also use those skills when they are stressed. Taking a moment to breath before responding to something that upsets you can help teach your child do the same thing at school, with their siblings, friends, teachers, etc.
A new school year can hold so many possibilities. We all want our children to succeed and enjoy school. Using these skills can help improve their school year and their self-esteem. As parents, it’s important that we also add these skills into our daily habits as well. Creating a routine for yourself while your children are at school, using positive self-talk and empathy with yourself, and setting time for stress relief and coping skills can help you feel more confident as a parent and help you show up in more positive ways for yourself and your children. Give yourself some grace if you fall back into old patterns. It will take time to establish different ways of thinking and new patterns. If you fall out of your routines and skills as the year goes on, just know that you can always try again. As we say to our children “dust yourself off and try again”.
