09/01/2026
I have, in light of recent events, thought about this book:
“Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts.”
Because intrusive thoughts, while normal, can be a little unnerving.
So, what exactly is an intrusive thought?
An intrusive thought is an unwanted, unexpected thought, image, or fear that pops into your mind. And they often involve something frightening happening to you or your baby.
And they’re more common than you might think. Research suggests that 80% of new mothers experience intrusive thoughts during the postpartum period.
There’s also a biological reason these thoughts can show up.
After birth, the maternal brain undergoes significant changes as it adapts to caring for and protecting a newborn. Your brain’s threat-detection systems become highly attentive to potential danger.
So thoughts like:
What if I dropped my baby?
What if I accidentally pushed them down the stairs?
What if I lost control and did something terrible?
Can feel real, and incredibly scary.
But here’s something important to know:
A scary thought is not the same thing as intent.
Having an intrusive thought does not mean you want it to happen, and it does not mean you’re going to act on it.
In fact, if the thought leaves you horrified, distressed, or thinking, “Why would I even think that?!” that reaction can be an important distinction between an unwanted intrusive thought and actually wanting to act on something.
And yet, telling someone can feel terrifying.
You might think:
What will they think of me?
Will they think I’m a bad parent?
What if someone thinks I’m dangerous?
So many mothers keep these thoughts to themselves because of fear, shame, or the worry that they’ll be judged.
That’s exactly why I love “Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts” by Karen Kleiman, MSW.
It offers reassurance that scary, unwanted thoughts can be a normal part of motherhood, and helps parents understand what to do when those thoughts become harder to manage.
But I also want you to know this:
You can tell your IBCLC.
Even if we're having a lactation visit, you can tell me about these too. Even though our visit might be about milk supply, pumping, latching, or feeding, you are a whole person, and your mental health is important, too.
You don’t have to sit quietly with something because you’re afraid of what someone might think.
And if intrusive thoughts become frequent, start interfering with your sleep or daily life, or feel like they’re becoming too much to manage, please tell someone.
There is a difference between an unwanted thought and a plan or desire to act on that thought—but either way, you deserve support.
And if you ever feel like you might act on your thoughts or aren’t sure you can keep yourself or someone else safe, please seek immediate help.
Postpartum Support International: 1-800-944-4773
988 Su***de & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
For something this scary, there really can be safety in telling someone.
You never have to carry it alone đź’™
