Free, Not Radical, Los Angeles, CA (2026)

05/09/2021

What this day should really be about.

Whether Mother’s Day is hard for you or happy, taking the time to self-mother yourself today (and all days) will be time well spent for your heart.

Mothering is powerful. But it doesn’t always have to be something you externalize. If you were blessed by a mother you lean on or feel grief for a mother you didn’t get to have (or lost too early), mother energy is equally available to all and lives deep in your inner knowing.

Find it. Honor it. Love on it today.

And most important: LET IT LOVE ON YOU.

01/01/2021

So, I’m not always great at tracking my gratitude calendar testimonials. This one was from last year and I let the words wash over me, fill my cup, and then forgot them, as one does.

This person rocked yet another year—when she posted, I noticed these words from the end of 2019. And it fills me up again.

This is evidence that a gratitude practice, when truly done daily, can change the way the neurons fire in your brain. It makes you see things differently. More importantly, it makes you respond to things differently.

It won’t change the outside world. It won’t make life less chaotic. But it will ground you because you’ll know that when the chaos of life arises, YOU STILL FIND MOMENTS THAT BRING YOU PEACE. The doom spiraling is less intense because you understand the balance. You’ve trained your brain, through daily practice, to see that even on our worst days, there is something—however small—to celebrate. This allows you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and carry on with trust that more good things await you, and more good things are POSSIBLE for you, in spite of the tough stuff.

So many of you maintained your gratitudes in what everyone is calling the “very worst year.” If you’re one of them, I’d love to hear how it grounded you last year (doesn’t it feel great to refer to 2020 as last year?!).

I am so, so, so grateful that I’ve been building this practice for so long now. I’ve noticed that when my anxiety for future outcomes, especially what-if scenarios, spike, (ie. what if someone I love gets really sick?) my gratitude practice reminds me what is real in the moment: and in the moment we have our health, and even though that could change, I am able to soak in the wealth and privilege of being healthy with so much gratitude it could bring me to my knees. Sometimes I’ve looked at and been so grateful for his health and existence that it feels like my heart could explode. It makes the moments when we don’t see eye-to-eye feel so much smaller, so insignificant. It puts everything in perspective.

That’s just one example. I’d love to hear yours if you have them.

SO MANY GOOD THINGS await you in 2021. Trust that. And embrace them. 💖

12/05/2020

Chances are the answer is yes—and that does not mean you’re a bad person.

Gaslighting is the act of invalidating someone else’s experience.

In this week’s email, which drops tomorrow (Sunday) morning, we talk about why this is a more common strategy for conflict-resolution than we think, why it’s not always ill-intentioned, and how to nip this habitual response pattern in the bud.

ALSO! I’ll be dropping an audio version of the email so you can listen to it instead of read! Hallelujah for those of us who like to listen on-the-go. It’s like a private podcast just for you.

If you’re signed up for emails but not getting them, search for Free Not Radical in your spam folder and mark me as safe. Or add me to your contacts!

If you’re not on the email list but want to join the club, sign up through the link in my bio.

11/25/2020

I’ve been talking a lot about in this space. It struck me recently that THIS is the through-line of not only everything I preach, but everything I try to practice. It is my personal goal and my hope for humanity.

I believe self-connection is power.

To know yourself from a deep space of compassion and safety is freedom. It provides you with confidence, resilience, and the ability to discern what is nourishing and what is toxic. In other words, it helps you navigate chaos with more grace.

I also know that self-connection, while it may sound ‘selfish’ or even narcissistic at first glance, enhances your relationships. It makes you a better partner, friend, caregiver. Because you are armed with self-compassion, you can offer empathy freely to others without fear that you won’t get anything back. Because—again with the confidence—you know that even if someone else is unable to provide empathy for you in the moment, you will able to provide it for yourself. You trust your ability to meet your needs. And while you may invite others with transparent requests to help you meet them, you don’t try to coerce others to meet them for you.

Incredible things happen when you learn to self-connect. When you decide to take the leap to see yourself not as your own worst enemy, but your friend—when you finally realize your feelings, your body, and even your ego (!!) is actually ON YOUR SIDE.

If you can learn to collaborate with self, you can learn to collaborate with anyone. You are limitless.

Rambling now, but I hope you know this is my hope for you. It’s my hope for everyone. Sometimes I think about what the world could look like if we all honored and valued the practice of self-connection—and while it’s a massive undertaking, and often feels impossible, for a few blissful seconds it warms my heart.

11/16/2020

I am reviving my weekly newsletter because I want to build a more intimate connection with my community—and this week we are talking about trust. Specifically why SELF-TRUST is the gateway to building trust within community.

If you’re interested, sign up through the link in my bio. Emails will go out every Wednesday and in each one I’ll be sharing exercises that I don’t necessarily share on other platforms. This is partly to give newsletter subscribers some exclusive content, but mostly because I don’t have the energy to share the same exercises on multiple platforms. 😇 Email is the safest, too, because it gives you agency to open it, archive it, save it for later—ie. it’s easy for you to access when you want it vs happening upon it when you scroll and losing it forever.

If you’re on my list but haven’t seen an email lately, add me to your contacts so that I don’t get lost in spam: Killian [at] freenotradical.com 👌🏼

So, for a sweet little exercise on self-trust, sign up for my newsletter and let’s be weekly pen pals!

11/04/2020

“I care deeply about this very big thing, and I don’t know how to express it or act in a way that adds value to the situation.”

Many therapists will suggest that when you feel overwhelm, you stand in a power pose, or flex your muscles as hard as you can, and remind yourself of your strength. This brings agency back to your nervous system. Many also suggest that you break the big task into small baby steps. This makes you feel accomplished and on a tangible path toward action.

Both suggestions are valid and helpful. But what has helped me most when I am feeling overwhelm is to simply acknowledge HOW MUCH I CARE... to bear witness to my relationship with whatever is causing my nervous system to freeze... and then to take it from there.

Often, simply speaking my truth around my deep sense of caring will ease the sense of overwhelm and draw my attention to what really matters: my heart. This also brings back my sense of agency, which allows me to approach things more practically and from that ‘step by step,’ one-day-at-a-time perspective.

09/20/2020

I was listening to a Tara Brach podcast (so good) when she referenced judgment as the nervous system’s ‘fight’ response and something in my brain clicked right into place. “OF COURSE!”

Think about the people you judge. How do they threaten your sense of safety, security, or belonging? By activating judgment, you activate attack mode.

Think about the cultures who judge each other—isn’t it obvious to see how they each feel threatened by the other? How their judgments, often performed through propaganda, is a form of attack?

When you acknowledge the parts of yourself that feel threatened, you give your nervous system a chance to regulate. This allows you to TEND to your needs in new and inventive ways (ie leap into action) without experiencing overwhelm and judgment fatigue. When you are quick to go into judgment mode, you are keeping your nervous system in a heightened state of stress and are less likely to find strategies to problem solve. You will simply continue to spiral in judgment, which may FEEL good or temporarily cathartic, but doesn’t actually solve anything.

Something to think about as energies around politics continue to heighten on social media over the next couple months. Screaming your judgments into the void will not lead to creative solutions. Allowing yourself to name what feels threatened, and then seek out actionable steps to meet needs (whether that’s donating, calling reps, finding businesses to support who uplift your causes) will be far more effective and easier on your heart.

08/28/2020

A library of universal consciousness, that’s what.

Just posted a new blog describing what the Akashic Records are, how to access them, and even include a SEPTEMBER 2020 message I received—meant specifically for you—while in the records earlier today.

The reading took a turn I didn’t expect, but isn’t that how it always goes? 🔥

Fastest way to the blog post is through the link in my bio. How do you feel about the focus on ‘sameness’ that came through?

08/24/2020

PERMISSION TO BE.

If you are an empathetic person who is having an exceptionally hard time digesting the news, or if you find yourself caught in overwhelm frequently with any area of your life, this thread is for you. You might be draining your battery simply because your nervous system is activated when you [read the news / insert any other emotionally draining activity].

Presence will recharge you. Swipe through for strategies to stay charged.

“Rebel, rebel, rebel.” ✨

07/20/2020

Have you ever felt crazy or unreasonable for feeling a certain way? If so, that’s self-gaslighting, my friends!

Sometimes this is a habit we create when we grow up with role models who use gaslighting as a strategy. But that’s not always the culprit. Gaslighting yourself can simply be a response to believing cultural narratives that don’t serve you.

For example, if you believe the narrative that money should make you happy and then you wind up with a lot of money and you still feel like s**t, you might down talk yourself into ‘being crazy’ for not appreciating your life more. That’s a super basic example, but you get what I’m saying.

Since the mental health community has become so focused on gaslighting as a form of abuse (rightly so), I thought it might be time for you to examine the ways you abuse yourself.

The antidote will always be empathy. Your feelings are valid always and forever. As they arise, you might question why they’re showing up and it might frustrate you not to know how to “fix” it, but try this strategy: tell yourself there’s a valid reason that you feel a certain way and you are willing to sit with yourself in solidarity until it either becomes clear or it begins to feel less powerful.

If you feel the narratives rising up that are making you feel shame for how you’re feeling, write those narratives down! All the “I shouldn’t feel this way because...”s. When you see them on paper, you’ll be able to see all the lies you’ve been fed throughout your life.

Nurture those feelings, kids. Let’s stop the cycle of self-abuse.

Free, Not Radical

05/09/2021

01/01/2021

12/05/2020

11/25/2020

11/16/2020

11/04/2020

09/20/2020

08/28/2020

08/24/2020

07/20/2020

Address

Website

Alerts

Contact The Practice

Shortcuts

Featured

Share

Category

Listing takedown request