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09/28/2020

“Trust your gut” is a problematic statement for OCD sufferers. Because sometimes our feelings will lead us to certainty-seeking compulsions and avoidance that makes the OCD worse. 💪Lean into the fear and sit with the uncertainty. You don’t have to do what the emotion says. 💪

08/22/2020

With fears about being a bad person, being misunderstood, offending someone, or being perceived negatively by others, (to name a few), apologizing can get excessive at times. 🧐
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It comes into play to relieve the anxiety about the uncertainty that comes with all of these scenarios. We think it will cover our bases and get us in the moral clear. 😇😅
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But when we apologize too much, the apology itself loses power. It becomes less about the other person and more about us. 😑
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And we don’t do the learning that we can speak and live our values and sit with the discomfort of not (ever) knowing how we’re perceived. 😳
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We’re often apologizing because we think it will make the other more comfortable but it often does the opposite by making whoever we’re talking to feel guilt about the distress we seem to be causing them (through the frantic apologizing). 🤦🏼‍♀️
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Choosing not to compulsively apologize allows us to embrace the discomfort of being an imperfect human being and delivers to the brain the important message that we are good enough, that what we do and say is enough. 😌
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ERP for compulsive apologizing: OWN our words and actions! 💪💛

07/09/2020

Self-compassion means giving to yourself the type of kindness and understanding you would give another when your heart goes out to them. It means offering to myself, as a great gift, the warmth you would give a friend in a moment of suffering: “I see you, I’m here for you, as a being in this crazy shared human experience, deserving of love and respect as all humans are.”
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It’s ok that this may feel hard or awkward or foreign, most of us weren’t taught or modeled this skill all that much, but keep practicing. You are a friend worth investing in.
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06/23/2020

...In fact, some of the most delightful, charming, generous, hilarious, thoughtful, caring, FUN people struggle from social anxiety in its -multitude- of forms! It’s more common than you think!
➡️Give yourself a break for experiencing this form of anxiety in the first place.
🗣🗣We’re social creatures and (oftentimes) whether we like it or not, there can be a lot riding on how we’re received in the world.
We must keep in mind that the more that the anxiety convinces you that you need to isolate, the more uncomfortable social situations feel. 😣😣
➡️The work is to gently challenge the thoughts that make you feel worse and take on a more gentle, accepting tone.
➡️Radical self compassion!
➡️And then get yourself out there! Challenge yourself again and again with the social situations that are most anxiety provoking for you. ➡️Remember, the only way out is through. The rewards are great. 👩🏽‍🤝‍👨🏼 (And the risks are more tolerable than you think.)

05/07/2020

Something to keep in mind while doing exposure work, or doing anything that is hard for us (including existing in this crazy, uncertain time).
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If it weren’t hard, it probably wouldn’t be so meaningful to us.
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We grow and achieve great things by taking action while the fear is present. If we wait for it to be gone before jumping into that difficult thing, we might just be waiting forever. You don’t have to feel strong to do that courageous thing.

05/04/2020

OCD will tell you that you can’t tolerate uncertainty around your specific obsession, and that you need to do compulsions to get that certainty. But OCD also blinds you to the ways that you’re already tolerating the uncertainty in order for it to keep surviving.
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Noticing ways you’re already doing/being exposed to the thing you fear, is a great way to call out OCD on its BS.
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Ex: You might be cleaning off your phone when it drops on the ground, but you’re not cleaning it every time your toddler touches it and your toddler is all over the ground. Or maybe OCD is telling you that you can’t get on that plane, but you’re already tolerating the bigger risk of driving to work every day.
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Recognizing these little inconsistencies in OCD’s rules helps you outsmart it.

04/29/2020

Most people hate their BFRBs. But most people would also like to keep doing their BFRBs if there were no negative consequences (AKA our hair and skin and nails grew back instantly after we did the BFRB). That’s because (like all addictive behaviors), there is a pleasurable aspect in the act of doing the BFRB. A little rush, a little dopamine fix, a little (or a lot of) satisfaction. This is nothing to be ashamed of, but it does make the BFRB harder to stop.
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I believe it's vital that we don’t overlook this piece for two reasons:
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#1: in order for a competing response to work, it must satisfy that pleasure seeking-part of our brain, otherwise we won’t be driven to do it. Nothing might match up to the pleasure of the BFRB, but our alternative finger activities should do -something- for us. They should give us some sense of completion and satisfaction, or else we probably won’t be motivated to use them again.
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#2 If we don’t acknowledge this pleasure, we might tricking ourselves into thinking that giving up the BFRB should be a lot easier than it actually is. Giving it up means grieving the loss of this pleasure. We might want to give it up on paper, but in reality, we’re not ready to all because of the relief and pleasure it has provided us for so long.
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I personally believe that activities that incorporate some sort of incremental completion as well as creative production (like knitting, sewing, embroidery, drawing, beading, bracelet making) offer greater satisfaction for many than something like a squishy ball. That being said, it’s different for absolutely everyone! Be patient with yourself and keep trying different activities/strategies till you get a taste of the satisfaction your BFRB gives you.
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04/24/2020

“Just stop” ...Thanks, mom, good idea, hadn’t thought of that yet.

04/23/2020

When we try to suppress or eliminate uncomfortable emotions as quickly as possible, we aren’t doing ourselves any favors. 💁🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️
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In fact, we are more likely to pick/pull/bite, treat the people we love less kindly, drink too much, eat too much, zone or numb out, engage in self-destructive or compulsive behavior, and neglect our self-care.
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The work is about turning in and giving consent to our feelings. Practice curiosity, kindness, and acceptance for whatever is there. The less we fight our difficult feelings, the less power they tend to have over us.
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04/22/2020

Studies show that boredom can be a driving force of our BFRB.◽️Many of us are struggling with boredom right now. You are not alone.◽️What might you intellectually or emotionally lacking at this time and what are some creative ways to fill the void?◻️

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Mary Kay Cocharo, MFT
11500 W. Olympic, Suite 614

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