A Couple of Individuals - Helping People Understand Relationships

A Couple of Individuals - Helping People Understand Relationships A Couple of Individuals - Helping people understand relationships with Bob Resnick Ph.D. and Rita Resnick, Ph.D.

“Change can occur when we abandon, at least for the moment, what we would like to become, and attempt to be what we are....
07/21/2022

“Change can occur when we abandon, at least for the moment, what we would like to become, and attempt to be what we are.” — Arnold Beisser

Any attempt to try to change how you are means you are stuck in the tension between where you actually are and where you want to be.

In order to NOT be something you are means you have to keep that in focus as the object you are trying to distance yourself from.

For example, try not to think of the color red for ten seconds. It is impossible.

Owning where you are rebalances and allows the possibility for change to happen organically and organismically.

“Anxiety is the gap between now and later.” — Fritz Perls Nobody is anxious when they are fully in the present. The “gap...
07/20/2022

“Anxiety is the gap between now and later.” — Fritz Perls

Nobody is anxious when they are fully in the present. The “gap” of one foot into the future is typically filled with fantasies that trigger excitation (reactions) in the body – which have nowhere to be expressed. So, the energy that could flow into motion if it were in response to sensorial reality is held back, lacking oxygen and creating the tension. This can look like an increased heartbeat and even shaking of the excitement/emotion that needs to be expressed, but with a lack of a place to express it. Fear is a reaction to what is happening. Anxiety is a reaction to what might happen.

“Shame is the feeling that accompanies the experience of being not OK, and/or not enough.” — Gary Yontef
07/19/2022

“Shame is the feeling that accompanies the experience of being not OK, and/or not enough.” — Gary Yontef

The body is one of Gestalt therapy’s lenses: how one moves, how and when one breathes or holds one’s breath, gestures on...
07/18/2022

The body is one of Gestalt therapy’s lenses: how one moves, how and when one breathes or holds one’s breath, gestures one makes, facial expressions or lack thereof, voice tones, muscular changes, skin color changes, etc.

Does being on a screen take away these bodily sensations and are sessions in danger of becoming merely cognitive? For the client to be fully seen (that is meant literally – see the whole body), it is ideal to work with the client in person.

Online, the lower part of the body is not visible to the therapist. This may or may not be important depending upon the needs of the client and the therapist. One way to overcome this difficulty is to ask your client to stand up so that you can see all of him/her/them. Another way is asking questions. Are your feet touching the ground? What is your breathing like now?

What have you noticed about body language when doing therapy online?

In online therapy with couples, we ask each individual in the couple to be on separate devices in a separate room (to pr...
07/14/2022

In online therapy with couples, we ask each individual in the couple to be on separate devices in a separate room (to prevent audio feedback.

Wonderfully, this opens the possibility for each person to look at each other when speaking to one another – rather than the usual “two birds on a wire” posture of the couple sitting next to each other, looking at the therapist.

This view also allows us as therapists to see each of our client’s full faces at the same time — with easy mobility among one, the other, or the interaction.

What have you noticed about doing therapy online?

Another difference we have noticed has led to some interesting work with clients. When we are online with a client, rela...
07/13/2022

Another difference we have noticed has led to some interesting work with clients.

When we are online with a client, relations in the client’s life may be more visible because we are in their space (home, office, basement, etc.)

This sometimes offers an independent view of important people in the client’s life and how the client deals with them.

What have you noticed about doing therapy online?

We have recently been writing more about the online experience of therapy in our practices. Here’s an excerpt of our dra...
07/12/2022

We have recently been writing more about the online experience of therapy in our practices.

Here’s an excerpt of our draft:

The online experience is the current shared field of both the client and the therapist. It is a co-constructed space. It is important that the therapist explicitly acknowledges the reality of the situation, that they are online and not in the same physical space. It is very useful for the therapist to both acknowledge how that is for him/her/them, and to inquire as to how this is for the client. This acknowledgement and enquiry minimize having an “elephant in the room” – a significant event or change that is not acknowledged.

What have you noticed about doing therapy online?

“The world is not comprehensible, but it is embraceable: through the embracing of one of its beings.” — Martin Buber ...
07/11/2022

“The world is not comprehensible, but it is embraceable: through the embracing of one of its beings.” — Martin Buber

The second part of inclusion is conveying to the client that we do truly understand what the client is saying by acknowl...
07/07/2022

The second part of inclusion is conveying to the client that we do truly understand what the client is saying by acknowledging the impact of what they are saying on us, and our reaction to that impact.

When a client knows how they impacted us as therapists, they know they have been received. When we react to the impact they have had on us, this lets the client know they have been met.

These powerful moments of connection whether between the couple or even the therapist and one of the couple, can occur in person or online.

What does inclusion mean in your practice, your relationships?

When we define inclusion, we define it in two parts. The first is the process of truly getting what our clients are sayi...
07/06/2022

When we define inclusion, we define it in two parts.

The first is the process of truly getting what our clients are saying. Philosopher Martin Buber called this “apprehending” our client’s experience at a particular moment in the therapy session — to the best of our ability.

Gestalt Therapy looks at the past as it interrupts the present. This is a game changing paradigmatic shift for psychothe...
07/05/2022

Gestalt Therapy looks at the past as it interrupts the present.

This is a game changing paradigmatic shift for psychotherapy. Accessing the relevant past as it interrupts healthy functioning in the present is one of the foundational ways we help clients both in person and online.

How does your past interrupt your present?

Awareness is primarily descriptive and experience-near. Here are a few examples from our practices:As I tell you about t...
07/04/2022

Awareness is primarily descriptive and experience-near.

Here are a few examples from our practices:

As I tell you about this, I notice I am holding my breath and bracing.

I am feeling relieved when you tell me how what I’m saying impacts you. I feel even more relief when you tell me your reaction to the impact.

I picture a very scary movie (which MIGHT be true) and then I react, get captured by the movie, and have emotional responses to the movie as if it were for sure reality.

What are ways you increase awareness?

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