Gay Therapy La - Ken Howard, LCSW - Psychotherapy and Coaching for Gay Men

Gay Therapy La - Ken Howard, LCSW - Psychotherapy and Coaching for Gay Men Licensed psychotherapist, AASECT Certified S*x Therapist, and life/relationship coach specializing i from 2012-2021.

Ken Howard, LCSW, CST is a licensed psychotherapist, AASECT Certified S*x Therapist, and life/business/relationship coach, specializing in gay men -- individuals and couples -- with over 29 years experience. He was also an Adjunct Associate Professor with the USC Suzanne Dworak-Peck School of Social Work, teaching courses in advanced Clinical Practice in psychotherapy, Couples Therapy, and LGBT Is

sues. He is available for in-person and online counseling/psychotherapy sessions in West Hollywood, national and international coaching, phone appointments, we**am appointments, speaking engagements, and organizational consulting.

Many gay men come to therapy believing they're struggling with dating, anxiety, loneliness, burnout, or difficult relati...
06/22/2026

Many gay men come to therapy believing they're struggling with dating, anxiety, loneliness, burnout, or difficult relationships.

Often those struggles are real.

But underneath them, there can be another pattern quietly driving much of the pain:

Self-abandonment.

It can look like:
• Laughing off things that actually hurt
• Staying too long in one-sided relationships
• Overexplaining instead of asserting boundaries
• Suppressing anger to avoid conflict
• Remaining available to people who don't consistently respect you
• Making yourself smaller to maintain connection

The challenge is that self-abandonment often disguises itself as maturity, patience, flexibility, or understanding.

Over time, however, constantly preserving relationships at the expense of yourself can leave you feeling exhausted, resentful, and disconnected from your own needs.

In my newest blog post and podcast episode, I explore why so many gay men learn this pattern, how it develops, and what it takes to build relationships that don't require self-erasure in order to survive.

Read the full article and listen to the podcast through the Linktree in my bio.

If this topic feels familiar and you'd like support working through it, you can also use the Linktree to schedule a consultation.

Why do some leaders seem so psychologically powerful—even when their ideas are simplistic, contradictory, or objectively...
06/18/2026

Why do some leaders seem so psychologically powerful—even when their ideas are simplistic, contradictory, or objectively false?

The answer may have less to do with politics than with psychology.

In both my new blog post and podcast episode, I explore why emotional certainty can feel so compelling during times of anxiety, uncertainty, and rapid social change.

When people feel overwhelmed, many aren't searching for complexity. They're searching for relief. A simple explanation, delivered with absolute confidence, can feel emotionally regulating—even when it's inaccurate.

This isn't just about politics.

The same psychological dynamics appear in families, relationships, workplaces, social media, cults, and everyday life. Understanding them can help us become less reactive, more resilient, and more intentional in how we make decisions.

If you've ever wondered why certainty can be so persuasive—or why nuance often struggles to compete—this conversation may give you a different way of understanding human behavior.

You can read the article and listen to the podcast through the Linktree in my bio. And if you'd like to explore how anxiety, uncertainty, and emotional patterns shape your own life and relationships, you can also use the Linktree to schedule a consultation.

Many gay men quietly struggle with changes in s//xual confidence.For some, it shows up as performance anxiety. For other...
05/31/2026

Many gay men quietly struggle with changes in s//xual confidence.

For some, it shows up as performance anxiety. For others, it may involve concerns about arousal, confidence, aging, stress, relationships, or physical health.

What makes these challenges especially frustrating is that most people immediately assume there's a single cause.

In reality, s//xual functioning is influenced by many factors: stress levels, self-confidence, relationship dynamics, health conditions, medications, aging, and even the pressure we put on ourselves to perform perfectly.

In this new article, I explore why these concerns are so common among gay men and what can actually help.

The goal isn't perfection.

The goal is feeling more confident, connected, and at ease with yourself and your sexuality.

Read the full article through the Linktree in my bio.

And if you'd like support navigating s//xual confidence, performance anxiety, intimacy concerns, or healthy aging, you can also use the Linktree to schedule a consultation with me.
*xualConfidence

Dear Ken,"I like being alone. So why do I feel lonely?"This is one of the most common questions I hear from gay men ente...
05/30/2026

Dear Ken,

"I like being alone. So why do I feel lonely?"

This is one of the most common questions I hear from gay men entering their 30s, 40s, and beyond.

You may be doing well professionally. You may have a partner. You may genuinely enjoy your own company.

Yet something still feels different.

Old friendships become less frequent. People move away. Life gets busier. The connections that once happened naturally now require effort and intention.

Meanwhile, you look around and wonder whether everyone else has a stronger support network than you do.

In this Dear Ken episode, I explore the difference between solitude and loneliness, why friendships naturally evolve over time, and how many gay men end up feeling socially disconnected even when their lives appear successful from the outside.

Most importantly, we discuss what to do about it.

Watch here: https://youtu.be/SHDHPbO_-LU

You can also find more resources through the Linktree in my bio. And if this topic feels familiar, you can reach out there to schedule a consultation.

Many successful gay male professionals reach a point where something doesn’t quite add up.Your career works.You’re capab...
05/18/2026

Many successful gay male professionals reach a point where something doesn’t quite add up.

Your career works.
You’re capable, driven, and functioning at a high level.

And yet, something still feels off—especially in relationships, connection, or your sense of ease outside of work.

In my newest podcast episode, I explore why this happens—and why insight alone isn’t enough to change it.

I break down:

- the hidden “second layer” of stress many gay men carry in professional environments
- how career demands shape emotional patterns, relationships, and identity
- why high-functioning men can stay stuck despite strong self-awareness
- and what actually creates meaningful, lasting change

This is not about burnout or failure.

It’s about understanding why success in one area of life doesn’t automatically translate into fulfillment in another—and what to do differently if you want that to change.

From the outside, your life works.You’ve built a career. You’re capable, disciplined, and successful. Most people would ...
05/15/2026

From the outside, your life works.

You’ve built a career. You’re capable, disciplined, and successful. Most people would assume you’ve figured things out.

And yet… something still feels off.

In this piece, I talk about a pattern I see often with high-functioning gay men: when professional success continues to grow, but personal life—relationships, connection, emotional ease—doesn’t quite keep pace.

Nothing is broken. But something isn’t working the way it should.

We look at why this happens, including the professional environments that shape how you think and relate, and the additional layer many gay men carry that often goes unaddressed.

Because this isn’t about trying harder or knowing more.

It’s about recognizing when the strategies that helped you succeed professionally no longer translate into the life you actually want to live.

If this feels familiar, it’s worth taking seriously—before the gap quietly widens over time.

You can read more through the Linktree in my bio. And if you want help thinking through what actually needs to change, you can also reach out there to schedule a consultation.

A lot of gay men can explain exactly why they feel the way they do.They understand their past. They can name the pattern...
05/12/2026

A lot of gay men can explain exactly why they feel the way they do.

They understand their past. They can name the patterns. They know where the anxiety, the shame, or the habits came from.

And yet… things still don’t change.

In this piece, I talk about why insight alone often isn’t enough—and how it can actually become its own kind of trap. Because understanding a pattern doesn’t automatically interrupt it.

Real change happens when you begin working with the system underneath it: the triggers, the thoughts, the body responses, and the behaviors that keep repeating in real time.

This is where growth shifts from awareness to action—from knowing yourself to actually living differently.

And if you want to go deeper into how to apply this in real life, Part 2 of the podcast is also out now, where I break down what to actually do differently.

If this feels familiar, it’s not a failure. It usually means you’re ready for a more advanced phase of the work.

You can read more and listen through the Linktree in my bio. And if you want help turning insight into real, practical change, you can also reach out there to schedule a consultation.

A lot of gay men today are highly self-aware.They’ve read the books. Listened to the podcasts. Been in therapy. They und...
05/07/2026

A lot of gay men today are highly self-aware.

They’ve read the books. Listened to the podcasts. Been in therapy. They understand their patterns, their shame, their trauma, and where it all came from.

And yet… their lives still don’t actually change.

In the first part or this two-part podcast series, I talk about the gap between insight and transformation — and why understanding yourself is necessary, but often not sufficient.

Because insight alone doesn’t interrupt the behaviors, habits, reactions, and emotional loops that keep people stuck.

We break down why so many intelligent, accomplished gay men stay trapped in the same cycles even after years of self-help or therapy — and what actually creates real change instead.

This episode moves beyond explanation and into practical behavioral shifts that help people build more stability, connection, self-respect, and momentum in everyday life.

At a certain point, growth stops being about knowing more.

It becomes about living differently.

You can listen to the Gay Therapy LA podcast wherever you get your podcasts. And if you’re ready to move beyond insight and start creating meaningful change, you can also reach out there to schedule a consultation.

Some experiences don’t end when they’re over.They stay with you—quietly shaping how you think about yourself, your relat...
04/24/2026

Some experiences don’t end when they’re over.

They stay with you—quietly shaping how you think about yourself, your relationships, and even what you believe you’re allowed to want.

For many gay men, the effects of conversion therapy don’t always show up in obvious ways. Instead, they appear as lingering shame, self-doubt, difficulty trusting your own instincts, or a sense that something about you isn’t quite acceptable—even when you know better intellectually.

In this piece, I talk about what conversion therapy actually was, why it caused so much harm, and how those patterns can continue long after the experience itself has ended. More importantly, we look at what healing really involves—how to understand these patterns and begin building a more integrated, self-accepting way of living.

If parts of this feel familiar, there’s a reason for that.

You can read more through the Linktree in my bio. And if you’re ready to work through how this may still be affecting you, you can also reach out there to schedule a consultation.

A lot of gay men have the same quiet question:“I know a lot of people… so why don’t I have real friends?”In my recent bl...
04/23/2026

A lot of gay men have the same quiet question:

“I know a lot of people… so why don’t I have real friends?”

In my recent blog post and podcast episode, I break down why this has become so common—and why it’s not just about personality or effort. For many men, the issue isn’t meeting people. It’s that nothing turns into something consistent.

Connections happen. But they don’t repeat.

And without repetition, friendship doesn’t develop.

We talk about what actually builds real friendships in adulthood—not chemistry, not luck, but structure. Things like follow-up, shared context, and creating low-friction ways to see each other again.

Because most friendships don’t fail in the beginning. They fade in the middle.

You can read or listen through the Linktree in my bio. And if this pattern feels familiar, you can also reach out there to schedule a consultation and work on building the kind of connections that actually stick.

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TELEHEALTH
Los Angeles, CA
90069

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