Abby Rodman Psychotherapist

Abby Rodman Psychotherapist Licensed therapist who lived it, too. The psychology of narcissism and toxic relationships. Healing, clarity, and the power to repel them for good.
(7)

06/15/2026

You won't realize until the end that the Narcissist has been lying to you from the beginning.
They never truly loved you—not in the way you loved them, not in the way they pretended to. Every "I love you," every act of kindness, every tear they cried—it was all a performance, rehearsed and repeated just enough to keep you hooked. From the very start, you were being manipulated by someone who studied your vulnerabilities, mirrored your desires, and fed you a fantasy tailored perfectly to your emotional needs.
You thought you had found someone special, someone who finally saw you, understood you, cherished you. But what you didn’t realize is that you were falling in love with a mask—a carefully constructed façade. Behind their charm and affection was someone incapable of real empathy, someone who never had your best interests at heart. You weren’t loved. You were used.
The worst part is how long it takes to see it. Narcissists are experts at spinning reality. They twist your words, rewrite history, and make you feel guilty for even questioning them. You begin to doubt your own intuition. You silence yourself to keep the peace. You try harder, love deeper, give more—while they drain you emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even physically.
By the time the truth finally hits you, you’re left picking up the pieces of a relationship that never truly existed. You were in love with a complete illusion, a lie, a fraud. And while they move on without remorse, you're left with the weight of the betrayal, trying to make sense of how someone could be so cruel while pretending to care.
But that realization? It’s painful, yes. Devastating, absolutely. Yet it’s also the beginning of your healing—the moment you finally stop blaming yourself and start reclaiming your truth. Because while they were busy faking love, you were giving it sincerely. And that says everything about the difference between you and them.

06/15/2026

Once a (covert) narcissist takes you off that pedestal from the beginning, you'll spend the whole relationship trying to prove your worth to them, while they continuously move the goalpost and set you up to fail.
It doesn't matter how much time you spend helping them; they will never appreciate it. It doesn't matter how much you go out of your way and bend over backwards trying to please them; it will never be enough. It doesn't matter how much of yourself you lose trying to fill them up; they will still expect more. It doesn't matter how many times you apologize for things you didn't do; they will never forgive you. It doesn't matter how hard you try to prove that you're a safe space and that you can be trusted - that your love for them is real; they'll still say you're just like the people from their past. It doesn't matter how many chances you give them; they're not going to change.
But then one day....just when you're starting to become tired, they'll have a breakthrough. You'll have a conversation where they finally seem to listen to you and receive what you're saying - where they finally seem to get it and care. You'll see remorse in their eyes, hear pain in their voice, and feel authenticity and accountability through their words. They'll have moments of self-awareness and admit they're f*cked up, that they hate who they are and want to be better. You'll look straight into the window of how broken they are and empathize even more with their past trauma that made them this way. Their vulnerability will make you feel more connected to them than you ever have, and it'll feel like their wall is finally coming down, like they're finally letting you in, like you can finally SEE them - and they can finally see you.
Relief. All the time you've invested, all the work you've put in, all the parts of yourself you've sacrificed, all the hope you've held onto, all the pain you've endured - it's finally paying off. It wasn't all for nothing. All they needed was someone to stick it out with them and not abandon them for once. You were right all along. They just needed to experience real, unconditional love...to be able to heal.
As the days pass, things will feel great, as they appear to be putting in effort and seem to be getting better. But then you'll get that feeling in your gut - that despite the depths you just reached with them and the breakthrough they just had, something feels off. THEY feel off. You'll ignore it because there's no way all of that wasn't real. There's no way the words they expressed, the conclusions they reached, the accountabilty they took, the tone they used, their mannerisms, the look in their eyes, the remorse they showed, their promises...weren't real?
More days will pass. The feeling will grow stronger and the voice in your head won't shut up. Something still feels off. THEY feel off. And then it'll happen. You'll get a quick glimpse of a crack in the mask again. Their face will physically look different for a split second, but you'll think you imagined it. And as the days continue to pass, the bigger the cracks will grow...until the mask is off again, and you're left devastated - trying to understand how you're back here again, after the breakthrough they had that felt so real. So you'll question if it's your fault and be back at square one - spending your days unsuccessfully trying to prove yourself, your worth, and your love to them.
You'll get glimpses of more breakthroughs, glimpses of the version of them they showed you at the beginning, glimpses of accountability, glimpses of the potential of who they could be, glimpses of what feels like change. And each time you get a glimpse, you'll feel relief and your hope will be restored...only to be traumatized and distraught each time they inevitably disappear again.
I've been through it, y'all. And trust me when I say, it will be the same cycle forever until you get off the hamster wheel of insanity. They WILL NOT change for the better. They will only get worse. The breakthroughs are manipulation. The glimpses are breadcrumbs. None of it will ever amount to anything, other than you completely losing yourself and living in a constant state of cognitive dissonance.
It is abuse. YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.
Leaving is scary. Staying is scarier.
Run. 🖤

06/15/2026

NARCISSIST AND THE EMPATH
This is one of the most misunderstood dynamics in psychology, and the answer is not mystical and not about being “too kind.”
It’s nervous system wiring, attachment patterns and conditioning.
Let’s break it down clearly. Why Empaths Attract Narcissists.
1. Complementary psychological needs
They fit like a lock and key:
• Empath - gives, soothes, stabilizes, validates, nurtures
• Narcissist - takes, consumes, dominates, controls, extracts
One regulates, the other dysregulates.
2. Familiarity equals attraction
Many empaths grew up with:
• emotional neglect
• unpredictable caregivers
• conditional love
• trauma bonding
• parentification
• inconsistency
• abandonment fear
So their nervous system learns:
“Love feels like emotional work.”
Calm feels boring.
Chaos feels familiar.
3. Attachment pattern mismatch
Most empaths have:
• anxious attachment
• fawn response
• people-pleasing
• hyper-responsibility
• hyper-empathy
• self-blame reflex
Narcissists have:
• avoidant/dismissive attachment
• entitlement
• emotional detachment
• control orientation
• dominance needs
One chases connection.
One controls distance.
4. Empaths self-abandon
They:
• over-give
• over-explain
• over-accommodate
• over-empathize
• excuse harm
• minimize their needs
• tolerate disrespect
• internalize blame
This creates high supply, low resistance, which narcissists seek.
5. Narcissists detect nervous systems
Not consciously, but behaviorally:
• boundary softness
• high empathy
• emotional availability
• self-doubt
• validation giving
• tolerance of inconsistency
• forgiveness patterns
• conflict avoidance
These are attachment cues, not personality traits.
The psychological truth:
Empaths don’t attract narcissists because they’re kind.
They attract them because they are unboundaried, conditioned, and self-abandoning.
That’s not a flaw, it’s conditioning.
Is it more common in women or men?
Short answer:
More commonly female, but not exclusively.
Why women more often:
• Socialized to nurture
• Conditioned to self-sacrifice
• Taught to prioritize others
• Rewarded for emotional labor
• Trained in people-pleasing
• Expected to regulate emotions
• Cultural caregiving roles
• Emotional responsibility conditioning
Male empaths exist too:
But often show up as:
• fixers
• rescuers
• providers
• protectors
• saviors
• over-functioners
• emotional suppressors
• silent self-abandoners
Their empathy is often instrumental, not emotionalized.
It’s not about gender.
It’s about conditioning, attachment plus nervous system learning.
Why the pattern repeats
Because healing requires:
• boundary rewiring
• nervous system regulation
• identity rebuilding
• self-worth development
• trauma integration
• attachment repair
Until then, the nervous system seeks familiar dynamics, not healthy ones.
How the pattern stops
Not by becoming colder, but by becoming:
• Boundaried
• Self-protective
• Self-valuing
• Nervous-system regulated
• Self-trusting
• Non-rescuing
• Non-overgiving
• Non-explaining
• Non-chasing
• Non-proving
Empaths don’t need better partners first.
They need stronger boundaries and self-attachment first.

06/15/2026

A relationship with a narcissist is a violation. It is non-consensual. You were duped by a con, a grifter, a liar, and a cheat. But you didn’t know that going in so you agreed to engage with the false persona they presented you with in the beginning of the relationship. I hope that realization will make you angry enough to love yourself a little more today. It wasn’t your fault.

06/14/2026

When you're in a relationship with a narcissist, there will always be another secret life going on behind your back.
This is because these people are very empty, and they need stimulation from multiple sources just to face existence. They'll be doing drugs or po*******hy. They'll be stringing multiple partners through flirting and emotional affairs. They will be chasing financial intrigue that occasionally gets them into scams and trouble.
The reason they must flirt with other people is also because they're seeking to move on to other people who don't know the games they play.
They know they'll get bored with you eventually, or you'll learn to resist their shenanigans. And since being alone would kill them, they begin to groom possible replacements among anyone whom they can charm.
You'll also notice this habit of making promises to you and then using those promises as a dangling carrot to get compliance from you. If you don't do what they want, they'll withdraw the promise.
Sometimes, they'll deny having promised at all, or they postpone it until you give up. The truth is that they never intended to fulfill it in the first place.
Narcissists have lost all sense of right and wrong. Everything is about satisfying themselves.
When you finally leave, they'll circle back to you, pretending to be checking on you when actually they're checking if they still have access.
If you have a child with them, they would weaponise that child to torture you until you cut them off totally or you manage to enforce boundaries with the help of the law.
But the child will be scarred or wasted by the counter parenting and objectification from the narcissist.
Society knows very little about narcissists.
Sometimes, you stay because you fear the pain of letting go until you realize the pain you're already taking for holding on.
Other times, you think you're staying for the children until you realize that the narcissist is turning all of them into other small narcissists and broken empaths.
Your solution is to recognize that this person is incapable of peace. They're only excellent at pretending and confusing you.
You will never have a life until you detach from them and direct your life towards wholeness and emotional stability.
🥀

06/14/2026

A narcissist never fully recovers from losing a super empath.
Because they lost someone who kept loving them while ignoring their own pain.
Both have the same childhood wounds.
Both felt neglected and abandoned.
One learned to survive by over-loving, over-giving...
the other by shutting down.
The empath sees the pain beneath the narcissist's mask... and stays.
That's why this connection can feel deeper than love and harder to break. I's beyond trauma bonding.
The super empath sees the wounds beneath the narcissist's mask.
The insecurity. The pain. The wounded child hiding behind control, anger or charm.
And instead of leaving... they stay, love harder, forgives more and understands deeper.
That's what makes the connection so powerful. For the first time, the narcissist feels seen beyond the mask... and not rejected.
Other people may give the narcissist attention... but few can offer the depth, understanding and unconditional love a super empath gives.
The super empath didn't just love the mask.
They loved what was hiding underneath.
But the tragedy is:
The super empath loses themselves in the process.
Their compassion becomes self abandonment.
Their patience becomes toxic tolerance.
And while the narcissist is being saved... the super empath slowly breaks.
Eventually the super empath reaches a breaking point.
Not because they stopped loving the narcissist...
but because they realise love cannot heal someone who refuses to face their own wounds.
That is the final heartbreak.
The super empath walks away to save themselves.
And the narcissist loses the one person who saw beyond the mask... and stayed.
If this hit home, then you need to hear this:
it's time to stop trying to save the person who is hurting you and start saving yourself.
FOLLOW if you are ready to heal & become unrecognizable.

06/14/2026

The covert narcissist is the biggest fraud because he or she can form a fake love relationship with a person and remain in that relationship for years.**
Unlike the overt narcissist, who makes their arrogance and entitlement obvious, the covert narcissist hides behind a mask of humility, kindness, or even victimhood. They don't shout their superiority from rooftops — they whisper it through subtle jabs, backhanded compliments, and guilt-tripping. This makes them far more dangerous because their manipulation is insidious. You don’t see the abuse coming — not in the form it arrives. You feel something is off, but when you bring it up, you're made to feel guilty or crazy for even questioning it.
Covert narcissists are patient predators. They study you. They adapt to your needs and preferences, not out of love or connection, but to mirror you, to gain your trust, and to appear like the perfect partner. They weaponize your empathy, your loyalty, your desire to build a life with someone. And once they feel they have you securely bonded, they begin the slow erosion of your self-worth.
Over time, they’ll chip away at your confidence with sarcastic jokes, subtle digs, emotional withdrawal, silent treatment, and vague criticisms. They gaslight you into thinking *you’re* the one who’s difficult, unstable, or overly sensitive. All while maintaining a polished, well-liked persona in public — the doting spouse, the supportive parent, the charming neighbor. This duality is what makes it so hard to detect and even harder to explain to others.
Many victims don’t realize they’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship until years — even decades — have passed. Often, it’s only when their health begins to decline, or they feel emotionally drained and spiritually hollow, that the truth becomes undeniable. You start seeing the patterns: the fake affection, the emotional neglect, the manipulation, the lack of genuine intimacy.
By the time a covert narcissist is exposed or walks away (often discarding you like a used object), the victim is left not only devastated by the loss of time, trust, and love — but also shattered by the realization that the entire relationship was largely an illusion. The most painful betrayal isn’t what they did — it’s that it was all calculated.

06/14/2026

WHY EMPATHS ATTRACT NARCISSISTS
Empaths don’t attract narcissists because they’re weak.
They attract narcissists because they carry a rare combination of emotional depth, intuition, and compassion that narcissists crave — but can never create within themselves. Empaths are everything a narcissist is not, and that contrast becomes a magnet.
1. Empaths see the wounded child inside the narcissist.
An empath can sense pain even when it’s hidden under arrogance. They see the brokenness behind the anger, the insecurity behind the ego, the abandonment behind the manipulation.
While everyone else sees the mask, the empath sees the wound — and tries to heal it.
This makes them vulnerable to someone who never intended to heal in the first place
2. Empaths give love without keeping score — narcissists take without limits.
An empath loves deeply, generously, and wholeheartedly.
A narcissist absorbs love like a bottomless pit.
The more the empath gives, the more the narcissist wants — and the more the empath feels responsible for “fixing” the relationship.
A narcissist sees this not as love…
but as opportunity.
3. Empaths mistake intensity for connection.
Narcissists love-bomb with passion and intensity.
To an empath, it feels like emotional alignment.
They believe they’ve found someone who “feels” as deeply as they do — until that intensity turns into anger, withdrawal, jealousy, or manipulation.
The truth?
It was never depth.
It was control wearing the costume of love.
4. Empaths are nurturers — narcissists need constant emotional feeding.
Empaths soothe.
Narcissists drain.
Empaths listen.
Narcissists monologue.
Empaths validate.
Narcissists demand.
This dynamic creates a dangerous cycle:
the empath becomes the healer…
while the narcissist becomes the taker.
5. Empaths want peace — narcissists thrive in chaos.
Empaths try to fix arguments, soften tone, calm energy, apologize first.
Narcissists use conflict to regain control.
The empath thinks harmony is the goal.
The narcissist thinks dominance is the goal.
You cannot “love” someone into emotional maturity.
6. Empaths believe in people’s potential — narcissists weaponize that hope.
Empaths fall in love with:
• who the narcissist could be
• who they were during the love-bombing
• who they desperately wish the narcissist would become
Narcissists use this hope to keep the empath stuck.
“You saw the good in me once… try harder. Love me more.”
It’s manipulation disguised as possibility.
7. Narcissists choose empaths because they are the easiest to break… and the hardest to replace.
A narcissist knows an empath will:
• forgive
• understand
• over-explain
• excuse
• stay longer than they should
But once an empath wakes up…
they become the one person the narcissist can never control again.

06/14/2026

Forgiveness is a hot topic always. Choosing to forgive a narcissist is not a requirement for your peace or healing. If you decide to forgive the narcissist because it brings you peace, then by all means do that for you. The narcissist is not looking for or waiting for your apology. They didn’t care how you felt in the relationship — and they most certainly don’t care how you feel once you’re out of it. Bottom line: Do whatever it takes for you to get back to your loving, wonderful, vibrant self. Forgive or don’t forgive. Entirely up to you.

06/14/2026

The narcissist will never give you the whole truth. They will gaslight and word salad you into doubting yourself and your sanity. Their goal is to protect themselves from shame. They will take no accountability. They will take no responsibility. They will lie right to your face without missing a beat.

I don’t know why Sam reacted to my news so strangely. It would be weird to ask him now. Could be my gut instinct was right — and that the narcissist had purchased jewelry from him for other supply. Could also mean that Sam just didn’t like him — as I found out many people in my world did not.

The truth isn’t that important. What’s important is recognizing the narcissist’s manipulations and not ignoring your gut when you’re faced with things that simply don’t add up.

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