08/25/2026
Sometimes you may find yourself repeating the same cycles…having the same relationship with different people, continuing habits you know you want to break, reacting in ways you don’t like, or getting triggered by things you wish you could manage differently. You may even find yourself looking for someone to blame.
One thing I’d invite you to consider is this:
Even when our caregivers did their very best to meet our needs, it’s almost impossible for anyone to meet every emotional need a child has. They did the best they could with the skills and awareness they had, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we made it into adulthood without a few emotional wounds. Whether intentional or not, as children we learn how to protect ourselves so we can continue to feel loved, accepted, safe, and connected.
Think about a child excitedly saying, “Mami, look what I got on my test!” That simple sentence can represent so many different needs. Maybe they’re looking for acknowledgment: “I’m so proud of you. I knew you could do it.” Maybe they’re hoping their parent will finally feel proud of them. Or maybe, deep down, they’re wondering if they’ve finally done enough to be worthy of love.
Now imagine that child hearing:
“Okay, cool.”
“I expected nothing less.”
“Where are the other five points?”
To an adult, those comments may seem small.
To a child’s brain, they can become:
“I’m not good enough.”
“No matter what I do, it will never be enough.”
“Love has to be earned.”
Those beliefs don’t stay in childhood. They often show up in adulthood as perfectionism, people-pleasing, fear of failure, difficulty celebrating yourself, constantly seeking validation, or feeling like you always have to prove your worth.
I say all this to say... our behaviors don’t just happen by accident. They were often the very things that helped us survive, stay connected, or feel loved as children.
But what protected you then may be limiting you now.
Healing is not about blaming your parents. It’s about becoming curious enough to understand the story you’ve been living.
So, who did you have to become in order to get those needs met
