10/08/2025
Hi everyone,
I’m ready for an update. I hope you are too. It is a beautiful and difficult time to be here in this world. Just like everything in our life, we signed up for this for the lessons our souls came to learn.
I am embarrassed to admit I again got tangled in the details of the world and those around me, took a wrong turn and it took me down. Of course my Leo pride is bruised embarrassed and has been kicking my bunzolas for doing it again.
Now to tell you what was in that lesson. A huge belief I knew was deep within me. However, duh! It was one I never thought to let go of.
When I was little, I was always skinny and small. People would tell my mom that she should cut my long hair because all my growth was going to it. My mom would sit me at the table when she was setting it, and I would still be sitting there after everybody ate and left, still moving my food around my plate. As I have told you in other posts before, when I was young, I would go numb and just not be there. Missed out on things walked around like a little zombie. I don’t think I was in my body much at all, which might have to do with why I never felt hunger. I know my mom loved me dearly and she worried about me because of it and so I grew up with her concerned that I wasn’t strong or well although I thought my body was OK she began to tell me be careful watch out. Don’t do too much you’re gonna get sick. Of course I had the measles mumps
Chicken pocks and whooping cough which might’ve added to her thoughts.
one time about 30 years ago in a meditation. I began to hear my mother say be careful watch out, be careful watch out, be careful watch out, be careful watch out, don’t do too much you will get sick.
At that time after the meditation I realize that might have created believes that caused some of the frsrs zi gtrwvup with, snd health issues I have had. But unfortunately at the time I didn’t look any farther.
However you know, 45 years later duh! now I hear that very differently. Im ready to dig in and let that go.
I have figured out that every time the world gets too big like it did when I was little, too much happened, or I am in overwhelm (because lm not clearing myself taking care of or usng my tools to protect myself through it, ) my body shuts down how it’s programmed from my childhood belief. I’m numb, not caring for myself, and the chaos around me causes illness. I am numb so I don’t think of what I can do to protect myself with my tools to bring myself back. It actually is disabling. This unfortunately is a pattern for me. (Hard to admit at this point,)
I can’t believe It took me so dang long to figure this life lesson out! It can be actually very, humbling. It just boils down to honoring ourself smd selfcare of ourselves over everything else. That has and so far has obviously continued to be a life lesson for me.
In this moment it is my intent to get back in my body, be in this moment, and dig way down to the roots of this belief and program that disables me and rip them out. Let go of my Moms concerns and know that,
I AM STRONG
I WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF MYSELF FROM NOW ON
I NO LONGER NEED TO GO NUMB.
Im grabbing my shovel, be back this report soon.
Squishes Judi💖
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