09/30/2026
I realize this is long but I wrote this article for Health and Wellness magazine because I think it is important. Hope you enjoy and more important I hope it makes a difference.
Understanding Dementia: Seeing the Person Beyond the Memory
There is a particular kind of heartbreak in watching someone you love forget.
At first, it may be something small—a forgotten name, a missed appointment, a story told twice. We might laugh it off, assuming everyone has moments like these. But gradually, the changes become harder to dismiss. Familiar places become confusing. Everyday tasks become difficult. Conversations may wander, repeat, or sometimes disappear altogether.
And somewhere along the way, we may begin to see dementia before we see the person.
That is one of the things we must learn to change.
Dementia is not simply about forgetting. It is a collection of symptoms caused by disorders that affect memory, thinking, communication, behavior, and the ability to carry out everyday activities. But behind every diagnosis is a human being—with a lifetime of experiences, relationships, hopes, humor, preferences, and feelings.
The disease may change a person’s abilities, but it does not erase their humanity.
When Memory Changes, Love Still Remains
One of the most difficult misconceptions about dementia is that when someone no longer remembers us, they no longer know us or love us.
But human connection is much bigger than memory.
A person with dementia may not remember the name of a daughter who visits every afternoon, yet they may still feel comfort when she holds their hand. They may not remember the details of a marriage that lasted fifty years, but they may still respond to a familiar voice with warmth. They may forget yesterday's conversation but experience joy when someone sings a favorite song.
Sometimes the details disappear before the feelings do.
That is why a gentle touch, a familiar melody, a smile, or simply sitting quietly beside someone can matter so much.
We often measure relationships through words and memories. Dementia reminds us that connection can exist beyond both.
Look for the Person, Not Just the Symptoms
It can be easy to become focused on what a person with dementia can no longer do.
They cannot remember.
They cannot drive.
They cannot manage their finances.
They cannot prepare a meal safely.
They cannot always find the right words.
But there is another way to look.
They can still laugh.
They can still enjoy music.
They can still appreciate sunlight coming through a window.
They can still feel kindness.
They can still be frustrated, excited, frightened, peaceful, proud, or loved.
They are still themselves, even when parts of their former independence have changed.
Understanding dementia means learning to meet people where they are rather than constantly asking them to return to where they once were.
Patience Is an Act of Love
For caregivers and families, this can be extraordinarily difficult.
When the same question is asked for the tenth time, patience can become exhausting. When someone insists on something that is not accurate, correcting them may seem like the natural response. When familiar routines suddenly become difficult, frustration can quietly enter the relationship.
But sometimes the most compassionate response is not correction.
It is reassurance.
If someone asks, “When are we going home?” even while sitting in the home they have lived in for decades, perhaps the deeper question is not about a physical building. Maybe they are asking, Am I safe? Am I okay? Is someone here with me?
Sometimes answering the feeling is more important than correcting the fact.
A calm voice can communicate safety.
A patient response can communicate dignity.
And a hand held at the right moment can communicate everything words cannot.
Dementia Changes Families, Too
Much of the conversation around dementia understandably focuses on the person living with the condition. But dementia also profoundly affects spouses, children, siblings, friends, and caregivers.
Loved ones may experience grief while the person they love is still alive. They may mourn the loss of shared routines, conversations, independence, or future plans. They may feel guilt for becoming frustrated. They may feel sadness, exhaustion, loneliness, or even relief when they finally receive help.
These emotions do not make someone a bad caregiver.
They make someone human.
Caring for another person requires caring for yourself, too. Asking for help is not failure. Accepting respite is not selfish. Talking honestly about difficult emotions is not a lack of love.
Sometimes loving someone with dementia means recognizing that you cannot carry everything alone.
We Can Create a Kinder World for Dementia
Understanding dementia is not only a responsibility for families and caregivers. It is something society can embrace.
We can slow down when someone struggles to communicate.
We can avoid embarrassing someone for forgetting.
We can offer assistance without taking away their independence unnecessarily.
We can create environments that are easier to navigate.
We can educate ourselves instead of making assumptions.
Most importantly, we can remember that a diagnosis does not become a person's identity.
They are not “the dementia patient.”
They are a mother.
A father.
A spouse.
A friend.
A neighbor.
A veteran.
An artist.
A teacher.
A gardener.
A storyteller.
A person who has lived a life filled with ordinary days, extraordinary moments, mistakes, achievements, heartbreaks, celebrations, and love.
What Dementia Can Teach Us
Perhaps one of the most profound lessons dementia offers is that a person's worth was never dependent on how much they could remember, how productive they could be, or how independently they could function.
We are valuable simply because we are human.
When memory fades, kindness still matters.
When words become difficult, presence still matters.
When independence diminishes, dignity still matters.
And when someone cannot remember that they are loved, we can remember for them.
That may be one of the greatest gifts we can give.
Dementia asks us to slow down. To listen differently. To be patient when patience is difficult. To cherish moments rather than assuming there will always be more of them.
It reminds us that a person's story is much bigger than the chapters they can still recall.
So let us look beyond the forgotten names and repeated questions.
Let us look beyond the diagnosis.
Let us see the person.
And let us meet them there—with patience, dignity, compassion, and love
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO UNDERSTAND DEMENTIA AND WHAT YOUR LOVED ONE IS GOING THROUGH, PLEASE ATTEND OUR SUPPORT GROUP THE THIRD WEDNESDAY OF EVERY MONTH AT 3 O'CLOCK!
