Your Mindful MFT

Your Mindful MFT My passion is supporting people on their journey toward healthier relationships and greater well-being.

I believe that healing happens when we feel truly seen and supported, my goal is to create a safe and compassionate space for every client.

08/31/2026

Sometimes the argument really is about the dishes.

But sometimes the dishes are carrying a much bigger question.

Do I matter to you?
Are we okay?
Can I count on you?
Do you see how much I’m carrying?
Will you be there when I need you?

In Emotionally Focused Therapy, we pay attention to these deeper attachment questions because they often explain why a seemingly small disagreement can feel so big.

You’re not only responding to what happened.

You’re responding to what that moment seems to say about your connection.

That doesn’t mean the actual issue doesn’t matter. The dishes still need to get done. The decision still needs to be made. The problem still needs to be solved.

But sometimes the conversation changes when you can name what’s underneath it.

Instead of:

“You never help me.”

It might be:

“I’m overwhelmed, and when I feel like I’m carrying this alone, I start to wonder if I can count on you.”

That’s a very different conversation.

If you keep finding yourselves having different versions of the same fight, The Path Back To Us can help you understand what’s happening underneath the conflict and begin changing the pattern.

Comment COUPLES and I’ll send you the link. 🤍

You don’t have to wait until a conversation becomes a full-blown fight to change where it’s headed.Often, there’s a mome...
08/29/2026

You don’t have to wait until a conversation becomes a full-blown fight to change where it’s headed.

Often, there’s a moment when you can feel the shift.

Your body gets tense.
Your tone changes.
You start thinking about what you’re going to say next instead of listening.
You feel the urge to defend yourself, shut down, or prove your point.

That moment matters.

Try slowing your response. Name what’s happening. Stay with one issue instead of bringing in everything else. And when you can, say what’s underneath the reaction.

Sometimes even a simple:

**“I can feel myself getting defensive.”**

or

**“That didn’t come out the way I meant it. Can I try again?”**

is enough to interrupt the pattern.

The goal isn’t to communicate perfectly.

It’s to notice the cycle a little sooner and give yourselves another way through it.

Save this one for the next conversation that starts to go sideways. 🤍

The way you learned to protect yourself in relationships may have started a long time ago.Reaching harder when you feel ...
08/21/2026

The way you learned to protect yourself in relationships may have started a long time ago.

Reaching harder when you feel distance.
Shutting down when things get intense.
Keeping your needs to yourself.
Assuming the worst when connection feels uncertain.

Those patterns can become automatic. But they aren’t permanent.

**Earned secure attachment** is the idea that we can develop greater security in our relationships as adults, even if that wasn’t what we experienced earlier in life.

And it usually happens through small, repeated experiences:

Naming what you need instead of hoping your partner guesses.
Staying present a little longer when you want to pull away.
Letting someone show up for you.
Repairing after things go wrong.
Choosing a new response when an old trigger shows up.

You don’t have to erase your past to build something different.

You can understand the patterns you learned, get curious about what they’ve been protecting, and practice new ways of reaching for connection.

If you’re ready to understand the patterns showing up in your relationship and start creating something more secure, *The Path Back To Us* can help.

Comment **COUPLES** and I’ll send you the link. 🤍

08/20/2026

not stuck with the relationship patterns you learned growing up.

The ways you learned to protect yourself in relationships made sense somewhere along the way.

Maybe you learned to reach harder when you felt someone pulling away.

Maybe you learned to shut down when emotions got too intense.

Maybe depending on someone never felt completely safe.

Those patterns can follow us into our adult relationships—but they don’t have to stay that way.

There’s actually a name for developing greater security as an adult: earned secure attachment.

And it’s built over time.

By noticing your patterns instead of automatically following them.
Learning to name what you need.
Letting yourself be vulnerable in safe relationships.
Practicing repair when things go wrong.
Experiencing, again and again, that connection can survive hard moments.

Your history matters. But it doesn’t have to write the rest of your relationship story.

If you’re ready to start understanding and shifting the patterns between you, The Path Back To Us can help you begin.

Comment COUPLES and I’ll send you the link. 🤍

08/12/2026

You can love each other and still feel like you’re living separate lives.

You can manage the house together.
Raise kids together.
Pay bills.
Coordinate schedules.
Get through another week.

And somewhere along the way, start to wonder where the “us” went.

Gottman calls one part of a strong relationship creating shared meaning.

It’s the little and big things that make your relationship feel like something you’re creating together: your rituals, values, traditions, dreams, priorities, and the meaning you give to the life you share.

It can be as simple as:

The way you reconnect at the end of the day.
The traditions that belong to your family.
The things you’re working toward together.
Knowing what matters deeply to your partner and why.

Connection isn’t only built by communicating better during conflict.

It’s also built in the ongoing experience of “This is who we are. This is what matters to us. This is what we’re building together.”

If your relationship has started to feel more like managing life than sharing one, The Path Back To Us can help you begin finding your way back to each other.

Comment COUPLES and I’ll send you the link. 🤍

08/11/2026

You may call it overthinking, shutting down, or needing reassurance. Your attachment system calls it protection.

Your attachment style isn’t a label for how “good” or “bad” you are at relationships.

It can help you understand what happens inside you when connection starts to feel uncertain.

Maybe you reach for reassurance.
Maybe you overthink every change in tone.
Maybe you pull away, go quiet, or convince yourself you don’t need anything.

Different responses, but underneath them is often the same thing: an attempt to protect yourself when closeness doesn’t feel secure.

Instead of asking, “Why am I like this?” try getting curious:
What am I afraid is happening between us right now?
What do I need that I’m having a hard time asking for?

Understanding your attachment patterns isn’t about putting yourself in a box. It’s about noticing what happens when your sense of connection gets threatened, so you have more choice in what happens next.

If you want help understanding the patterns that keep showing up in your relationship, The Path Back To Us was created to help you do exactly that.

Comment COUPLES and I’ll send you the link. 🤍

08/08/2026

Listening sounds simple.

But it’s much harder when what you’re hearing
doesn’t feel good.

When something in you wants to defend,
explain, or push back.

Mindful listening isn’t about agreeing.

It’s about staying present long enough
to actually hear what’s being said—
without immediately reacting to it.

That might look like:

taking a breath before responding
not interrupting
not planning your response while they’re talking
staying with one moment instead of jumping ahead

It doesn’t have to be perfect.

Just a little more present
than reactive.

If you’ve been wanting more support with this,
The Path Back To Us walks through how to stay in these moments
in a way that builds connection instead of distance.

Comment COUPLES and I’ll send you the link 🤍

08/05/2026

It can feel like you’re opposites.

One of you wants to talk things through.
The other needs space.

One reaches.
The other pulls back.

And over time, it can start to feel like
one of you cares more than the other.

But that’s usually not what’s happening.

In a lot of relationships, both partners are trying to protect the same thing—
the connection.

One does it by moving closer.
“Don’t let us drift apart.”

The other does it by stepping back.
“Don’t let this get worse.”

The problem is, those strategies start to work against each other.

One feels pressure.
The other feels distance.

And the cycle keeps repeating.

The shift isn’t about one person changing.

It’s about being able to see what’s underneath the pattern—
“I’m doing this because I don’t want to lose you.”

That’s where things begin to soften.

If you’ve been noticing this dynamic in your relationship,
The Path Back To Us walks through how to understand the cycle
and respond in a way that builds more connection.

Comment COUPLES and I’ll send you the link 🤍

08/03/2026

In Emotionally Focused Therapy, the first goal isn’t solving the problem.

It’s slowing the cycle down.

Because when things escalate,
you’re not really talking to each other anymore.

You’re reacting.
Protecting.
Trying to manage something that doesn’t feel good.

And the more it speeds up,
the harder it is to feel heard or understood.

De-escalation isn’t about avoiding the conversation.

It’s about creating enough space
so you can actually have it.

When the cycle slows down,
you can start to notice what’s underneath the reaction—
and respond from a different place.

That’s where change begins.

If you’ve been feeling stuck in the same patterns,
The Path Back To Us walks you through how to recognize the cycle
and start shifting it in real time.

Comment COUPLES and I’ll send you the link 🤍

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3560 Bridgeport Way, University Place
Tacoma, WA
98466

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Wednesday 9am - 5pm
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