GECKO SA

18/09/2026

18/09/2026

18/09/2026

Your child hits their sibling.

Understanding the anger underneath does not mean pretending the hitting was okay.

You can hold both:
“You were really angry.”
“I won’t let you hit.”

This is where curiosity and accountability meet.

We can care about what happened, protect what needs protecting, and still help the child understand what was happening inside them.

Watch the free Time-In walkthrough for a connection-first way to handle big behavior: bit.ly/The-ABCs-of-Emotions

17/09/2026

Connection is not the same thing as agreement, and it is not the same thing as giving children whatever they want. Sometimes the most connected response we can give is a calm, loving no, while still making space for the disappointment that comes with it.

Children do not need every feeling fixed for them, they need help understanding that hard feelings can be felt, expressed, and moved through without losing the relationship. That is where connection becomes so powerful, because the boundary can stay in place while the child still feels seen.

🌿 “I know you really wanted that, and the answer is still no.”
🌿 “You are allowed to be upset, and I am still holding this limit.”
🌿 “I hear you, I understand why this is hard, and I am staying with you through it.”
🌿 “You do not have to like the boundary for me to keep it.”

This is the difference between connection and permissiveness. Permissiveness removes the limit to avoid discomfort, connection helps a child move through the discomfort while the limit remains.

Over time, children learn that love does not disappear when they are disappointed, that boundaries do not mean rejection, and that being understood does not always mean getting the answer they hoped for.

That is emotional safety, not saying yes to everything, but helping a child know they are still loved, heard, and connected even when the answer is no.

17/09/2026

So much of parenting is hard.
Taking care of our own neurodivergent selves is often hard enough.
Taking care of other neurodivergent humans as well? Damn. With what battery?

We do the best we can.
Our best is imperfect.

What other tips would you add?

Em

17/09/2026

17/09/2026

I have seen this SO many times.

Why does it happen?

Because of the classroom culture.

Our kids often learn from the second they arrive at school that sameness is currency. Being the same as everyone else is safe, it is encouraged, it is celebrated, it is rewarded.

It starts with the teacher- their lens, their language, and their expectations.
It continues with the rules and classroom management.

Our kids who are different can see it.
They notice that conformity gets rewarded.
They notice that doing something different from everyone else does not get rewarded, it gets tolerated. And worse still- it often gets called out.
Every kid in that class learns what the ‘right’ things are.

Sameness is often the default.
There are often blanket classroom rules.
Some kids who are different get given ‘exceptions’.
They get accommodations approved.
Now they don’t have to do the ‘right’ thing in class because they have an important letter that says so.

A lot of our kids won’t use them.
And god, they often get blamed for that.

When doing something different is rarely seen in the classroom, it sticks right out. And our kids just will not out themselves into that position.
It takes a lot of courage to stand out when difference is discouraged and sameness has been forever celebrated.

When affirming accommodations are retroactively fitted into a classroom that teaches sameness- they are not accessible.

The classroom needs to celebrate difference and individuality first.
When it does, being the only kid to need a set of headphones won’t feel unbearable.

We have to start there.

Em 🌈

17/09/2026

Comment '359'...This is why it is vital we understand the importance of ✨Executive Functioning✨!
🙏 Thank you Joy of Autism for such a great quote 💖

17/09/2026

Many of us grew up believing that a “good” child was a quiet child, one who didn’t talk back, didn’t question adults, didn’t express anger, and did what they were told the first time.

And we called that respect.

But sometimes what looked like respect was actually a child learning to stay quiet to avoid punishment, disconnection, shame, or an adult’s anger.

There is a big difference between a child developing genuine respect and a child becoming compliant because their nervous system has learned that keeping the adults around them happy is the safest option.

Real respect doesn’t require a child to be afraid of us, and it doesn’t require them to suppress their emotions, abandon their boundaries, or make themselves smaller.

We can raise children who:

💗 Listen AND have a voice
💗 Understand boundaries AND feel safe disagreeing
💗 Respect others AND know they deserve respect too

That’s one of the hardest parts of breaking generational cycles: realizing that some of the behaviors we were praised for as children may have been ways we learned to protect ourselves.

And then choosing to give our children something different. 💗

17/09/2026

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