01/09/2026
When tension appears, we want it gone.
When we’re anxious, we want to calm down.
When something frustrates us, we want to stop feeling frustrated.
So naturally, we reach for something that might make the feeling disappear.
But if something keeps returning, I’d become interested in the pattern, not only the symptom.
Here are three places to start:
1. What am I actually feeling?
Not just “I’m stressed.”
Is your jaw tight? Breathing shallow? Are you restless, heavy, irritable? Is your mind racing?
Being specific helps you recognise your own early signs, before they become overwhelming.
2. When does it appear?
After certain conversations? When you’re rushing? Around particular people? When you’ve taken too much on? When you finally stop?
This can reveal what triggers or contributes to the pattern and where you may need different boundaries, choices or support.
3. What changes it?
What makes it stronger? What helps it soften?
Movement? Food? Rest? Breathing differently? Leaving the situation? Speaking up? Being alone or connecting with someone?
This teaches you what genuinely supports you, rather than automatically reaching for the same solution every time.
Over time, those three observations can help you recognise:
what affects you, what you need and what actually helps.
So when something keeps returning, don’t only ask how to get rid of it.
Ask what it might be telling you.
Maybe you’re taking on too much.
Maybe a boundary keeps being crossed.
Maybe you’re not recovering between demanding periods.
Maybe a particular situation or relationship consistently affects you.
When you understand the pattern, you can respond to what’s contributing to it rather than only trying to make the symptom disappear.
✨ Save these three questions for the next time something familiar shows up. ✨