The Secure Start Podcast

22/06/2026

Last evening (my time) I was privileged to record an episode of The Secure Start Podcast with Gareth K Thomas ❤️‍🩹. We talked about a lot concerning therapeutic care and foster care in the UK. The episode will be released soon. Here is a little teaser.

21/06/2026

An open letter to the DCP workforce

Hello. Some of you will know or know of me, but for those who do not, I am a local Clinical Psychologist, creator, and podcaster. I have a thirty-one year association with The Department for Child Protection. This began in 1995, when I was fresh out of university and scored my first job at what was then known as the Elizabeth District Centre of the Department for Family and Community Services, or FACS for short....

Hello. Some of you will know or know of me, but for those who do not, I am a local Clinical Psychologist, creator, and podcaster. I have a thirty-one year association with The Department for Child …

17/06/2026

**WHY ADULTS MUST ASK THE QUESTIONS**

One of the most common misconceptions about child abuse is that children will tell us if something is wrong.

But many children cannot.

Children who have experienced abuse often carry fear, shame, loyalty conflicts, confusion, and the belief that keeping secrets is necessary for survival.

In this powerful clip from *The Secure Start Podcast*, author and advocate **Ruth Clare** challenges the idea that disclosure is primarily the responsibility of children.

If no adult is willing to describe the elephant in the room, we may be asking children to do something impossible.

Perhaps the question isn't:

*"Why didn't the child tell someone?"*

Perhaps the question is:

*"Why weren't adults asking?"*

These conversations can feel uncomfortable.

But our discomfort should never become a burden children have to carry alone.

This is a clip from the Ruth Clare Episode of The Secure Start Podc...

16/06/2026

https://youtu.be/H7GRpSBSmqk

See full podcast recording here: https://thesecurestartpodcast.com/...

02/06/2026

29/05/2026

Looking forward to delivering refresh training in my Connected Classrooms Programme to local trainers in Donegal, Ireland, in an hour's time.

Schools often have difficulty understanding and responding therapeutically to the behaviour of children and young people who have experienced developmental trauma. The Connected Classrooms programme aims to assist schools with responding therapeutically to these children, including their behaviours and other expressions of unmet need.

28/05/2026

"Behaviour that is not understood yet"

27/05/2026

Last evening I recorded a thoroughly enjoyable and important conversation with Mary-anne Hodd on The Secure Start Podcast. One issue that had our focus was the language that is used to describe behaviours exhibited by children and young people recovering from early adversity and trauma, and which are vairously referred to as "troubled", "complex" "unwanted" "bad", "challenging", and "of concern". A little chastened, I came up with the following: "Behaviour that is not yet understood".

Imagine what would happen if we replaced all pejorative labels with this simple statement - Behaviour that is not yet understood. What do you think might happen?

Looking forward to releasing the full episode in the coming weeks.

13/05/2026

One of the most important ideas I think we still underestimate in trauma and social care is this:

If harm was cumulative…

then healing probably needs to be cumulative too.

Many children living with trauma were not harmed by one single event.

They were shaped by repeated experiences over time:

* repeated unpredictability,
* repeated fear,
* repeated emotional unavailability,
* repeated rejection,
* repeated inconsistency,
* repeated shame,
* repeated dysregulation,
* repeated relational rupture.

Significant moments.

Repeated consistently.

And over time, nervous systems adapted.

This is why I sometimes worry when we unconsciously frame healing as though it will occur primarily through:

* one intervention,
* one assessment,
* one program,
* one therapeutic insight,
* or one breakthrough conversation.

Because cumulative harm rarely develops in a single moment.

It develops relationally.

And I think healing often develops relationally too.

Through:

* repeated safety,
* repeated calm,
* repeated curiosity,
* repeated emotional availability,
* repeated repair,
* repeated attunement,
* repeated predictable caregiving.

Not perfectly.

But consistently enough for trust to slowly become believable.

This is one of the core ideas behind **AURA by Secure Start** and **Secure Start Classroom AURA**.

The apps were intentionally designed to be simple daily reflective practices — helping carers, professionals, and teachers repeatedly return to four relational principles:

Accessible.
Understanding.
Responsive.
Attuned.

Not because one reflective moment changes everything.

But because repeated relational orientation changes relationships over time.

And relationships change nervous systems.

Children do not simply need isolated therapeutic moments.

They need adults who return — again and again — to predictable, emotionally safe ways of relating.

That is cumulative healing.

And I genuinely believe it matters more than many systems fully appreciate.

09/05/2026

Children Don’t Need Perfect Adults. They Need Predictable Care

The Most Important Thing Traumatised Children Need Is Not What Most Systems Prioritise Across my career in out-of-home care, education, and therapeutic practice, I have become increasingly convinced of something uncomfortable: We consistently underestimate the impact of inconsistency on children. Not just major inconsistency. Daily inconsistency. Relational inconsistency. The subtle but relentless experience of never quite knowing: who this adult will be today,...

The Most Important Thing Traumatised Children Need Is Not What Most Systems Prioritise Across my career in out-of-home care, education, and therapeutic practice, I have become increasingly convince…