05/08/2026
I’ve had quite a few clients coming to me with this issue recently.
Some of them in their 40s, who never had a serious relationship, never had anything stable, and never really understood why.
Because it genuinely didn’t make sense to them why it never worked out, especially when everything else in their lives seemed to be going so well.
These were successful women, with great careers, with everything falling into place in pretty much every other area of their lives, except this one.
And there’s a real sadness in that, in not understanding why the one thing you want most keeps not happening.
Some of them would say they could never fully connect with anyone.
Others would say their partners simply wouldn’t commit.
Or that they just hadn’t found the right person yet.
But here’s the thing.
Sometimes staying single, or not being able to connect with a partner, or never quite finding that stability, is not about you.
Sometimes, somewhere in your lineage, somebody never got to love.
Maybe someone lost a fiancé or a husband to war.
Maybe a grandmother was widowed young.
Maybe somebody died before they ever got the chance to feel love.
These people were excluded, and often forgotten, and their story was never spoken about, or maybe not even known by the rest of the family.
But the family system does not forget.
The system is always looking to balance itself, and it will find somebody else down the line to carry the same feelings, the same experience, until somebody finally stops and looks at it.
In constellations, we call this entanglement.
When you end up living a fate that was never yours, out of loyalty to someone who came before you.
And what we do in this work is bring those loyalties to light, and with love, we release them, so that what was never truly yours to carry can finally be given back.
If you find yourself in this, and you’re looking for healing around it, I’d love to invite you to join us for one of our upcoming workshops, or to book an individual session.
