04/09/2026
Never did I think that after recovering from complete hair loss and finally having my hair grow back, I’d have to face the fear of it potentially happening all over again.
But it did.
This time, it wasn’t just the bald patches. It was the diffuse thinning all over my head, and somehow that was even more frightening because I didn’t know when it would stop.
I didn’t want to go out. I didn’t want to wash my hair. I was constantly checking it, trying to hide the patches and wondering how much more I might lose.
Many years ago, all of my hair fell out. I wore wigs and hated every minute of it. Eventually, I came to terms with it and learnt to live happily with it. So when my hair grew back, I was incredibly grateful.
I think that’s why this time was so terrifying. I already knew what losing my hair felt like. I remembered the comments, the cruelty and the feeling of not recognising myself.
People have said such kind things to me, like “You’re still beautiful” or “I’d love you regardless.” And I know they come from a loving place. But this was never about how anyone else saw me.
It was about how I felt about myself.
Why me again? When will it stop? How much will I lose? Will I lose it all again? Will it grow back?
I’m coming out the other side now. The thinning has stopped and the bald patches seem stable, but there’s still so much unknown.
So I’ve made a plan. I’ve ordered a wig, and it’s beautiful. Can I honestly say I’m happy about potentially having to wear it? No.
But if I need it, I’ll wear it. Not because I’ve given up, but because I know it will help me feel confident and more like myself.
The lovely lady who helped me choose it said something I’ll never forget:
“Femininity isn’t just hair.”
It’s how we dress, how we speak, how we carry ourselves and all the things that make us who we are.
Maybe bravery doesn’t mean not being frightened. Maybe it means being absolutely terrified, allowing yourself to feel it all, making a plan and carrying on anyway.
I don’t know exactly what will happen with my hair.
But I’m not frozen anymore.
I have a plan, and slowly, I’m finding my way back to feeling like me again. ❤️
