04/07/2026
Another lovely post from Nicole
Dear Mum & Dad, friends, family, teachers & people I love.
Please stick with me.
I can’t think clearly right now because there is a substantial section of my prefrontal cortex missing. It’s a fairly important chunk, something having to do with rational thought. You see, it won’t be fully developed until I’m about 25. And from where I am, 25 seems a long way off.
But here's what i want you to consider
My brain is not yet fully developed, YET
It doesn’t matter that I’m smart; even a perfect score in exams doesn’t exclude me from normal developmental stages that we all go through.
Judgement and intelligence are two completely distinct things.
And, the same thing that makes my brain wonderfully flexible, creative and sponge like also makes me impulsive. Not necessarily reckless or negligent but more impulsive than I will be later in life.
Please stick with me.
So when you look at me like I have ten heads after I’ve done something “stupid” or failed to do something “smart,” you’re not helping me.
You see, adults respond to situations with your prefrontal cortex (rationally) but I am more inclined to respond with my amygdala (emotionally). And when you ask, “What were you thinking?” the answer is I wasn’t, at least not in the way you are, that’s my developmental brain biology
At this point in my life, I know that you love me, but my friends are my everything. Please understand that. Right now I choose my friends, but I still watch you. Carefully.
Please stick with me.
Here’s what you can do to help me 🙏🏻
1. Model adulting.
I see all the behaviours that you are modelling, I hear everything you say. I may not listen but I hear you. I seem immune to your advice, but your actions and words are going in. I promise. If you keep showing me the way, I will follow even if I detour many, times before I reach my destination.
2. Let me figure things out for myself.
If you let me experience the consequences of my actions I will learn from them. Please give me a little bit of space and let me know that I can work things out for myself. The more I do, the more confidence and resilience I will develop.
3. Tell me about you.
I want you to tell me all the stories of the crazy things you did as a teen, and what you learned from them. Then give me the space to do the same.
4. Help me with perspective. Because mine is nowhere near developed
Keep reminding me of the big picture. I will roll my eyes and make all kinds sounds. I will let you know that you can’t possibly understand what I’m going through. But I’m listening. I really am. It’s hard for me to see anything beyond the weeds that I am in. Help me grow my own ambitions and focus on the future. Remind me that this moment will pass.
5. Keep me safe.
Please remind me that drugs and driving don’t mix. Keep telling me that you will bail me out of dangerous situations, no anger, no lectures, no questions asked. But also let me know over and over and over that you are there to listen, when I need you.
6. Be kind.
I will learn kindness from you and if you are relentless in your kindness to me, someday I will imitate that behavior. Please don’t mock me or criticise. Humour me, I think I know everything. You probably did at my age.
7. Show interest in the things I enjoy.
Some days I will choose to share my interests with you, and it will make me feel good if you validate them by at least acting interested.
One day when the fog of adolescence lifts, you will find a confident, strong, competent, kind adult where a surly teenager once stood. In the meantime
Please stick with me & excuse me while I become the best human I can be 🙏🏻
Love,
Your Teenager 🦋
