09/03/2026
The other day an acquaintance asked me for ideas about what to say/not say to another in grief. I concluded long ago that there really is no protocol of do's and don'ts for something as personal and complex as grief and loss. What feels comforting to one is offensive to another. What my best friend says to me may land very differently than the same words from a casual acquaintance. A lot depends on timing and tone and the nature of my relationship to the one in grief. I pay close attention, listen with compassion, and then trust my intuition. In the end, my best advice is to accept that we will make mistakes! We are all on this journey of life and death together and the process can be painful and messy. Through no fault of our own, there is much that we will not fully see and understand. And most of us surely are not at our best when grappling with fear, uncertainty and pain. So I try to extend grace to others. Lots of it. And I try to extend that same grace to myself as well. I lean in and try to remember...I get to make mistakes along the way.
I hope to see you at our September Death Cafe on 9/24 at the Hub! I really like the folks who show up and the trust and camaraderie we are building. Until then, enjoy these gorgeous days of fall on our beautiful north shore🍂
Rita Koll
