Ashley Frutos LPC- Authentically Ashley Services

09/30/2026

Before buying another toy, check this out 👀

When it comes to emotional expression, the best toys aren't the loudest or most expensive ones. In Child-Parent Relational Therapy, we look for open-ended toys that let kids project their feelings, explore power dynamics, and solve problems.

🧸 YES to:

Nurturing & Real-Life: Dolls, baby bottles, doctor kits, toy food, puppets, animal families.

Emotional-Release: Foam balls, dart guns, toy soldiers, play handcuffs (safe tools to process anger, fear, and control).

Creativity & Mastery: Playdough, markers, unlined paper, building blocks.

🚫 SKIP for therapeutic play:

Battery-operated/electronic toys that do all the imagining for them.

Strict rule-bound board games.

Toys that require an adult to assemble or constantly fix.

When kids have the right tools, play becomes healing.

If you want personalized, step-by-step guidance on implementing therapeutic play at home, I offer 1-on-1 parent coaching via telehealth (covered by insurance!).

Drop a comment or DM me "PLAY" to learn how to book through Headway!

Send a message to learn more

09/29/2026

PDA can affect things a person genuinely wants or needs to do.

I once knew of a woman for whom sleeping in a bed had become a demand.

The expectation was simple:

Everyone sleeps in a bed.

Except she couldn’t.

For years, she slept downstairs on a sofa bed instead.

And I think that example says so much about PDA.

Because this isn’t simply about someone refusing to do something they don’t fancy doing.

A demand can come from an expectation.

A social rule.

A routine.

Something that “should” happen.

Something the person needs to do.

Even something they really want to do.

Once it becomes something that has to happen, or has to happen in a particular way, the pressure itself can become the barrier.

And that can have a huge impact on everyday life.

Perhaps we need to ask:

What is the actual goal here?

Which part has become the demand?

And is there another way to achieve the same thing?

Because reducing a demand doesn’t necessarily mean removing the goal.

If the goal is sleep, does it actually matter whether that sleep happens in a bed upstairs or on a sofa bed downstairs?

If the goal is getting dressed, does it matter which clothes are chosen?

If the goal is completing some learning, does it always have to be done sitting at a desk, in the order somebody else has decided?

Sometimes we become so focused on getting someone to do something in the expected way that we accidentally make the expected way more important than the actual purpose.

That’s where flexibility can make such a difference.

The sofa bed wasn’t a failure to get her into a bed.

The sofa bed worked.

And sometimes supporting a PDA person isn’t about finding a better way to make them comply with the original demand.

It’s about recognising that there may never have needed to be only one acceptable way in the first place.

Mandy Cook
The Autistic Teacher.

09/29/2026

One of the things that can be hardest to understand about PDA is that nobody else has to make the demand.

Sometimes the demand comes from inside.

Hunger says: eat something.

A full bladder says: go to the toilet.

Tiredness says: go to sleep.

A hobby says: finish what you started.

Even excitement can create its own demand: I really want to do this, so now I have to do it.

And the nervous system can still respond with:

Nope.

This is why PDA can affect far more than schoolwork, chores or being asked to get dressed.

It can interfere with eating when hungry, going to the toilet when needed, getting into bed when exhausted or starting something the person has been looking forward to all week.

From the outside, it can make absolutely no sense.

“They’re starving. Why won’t they eat?”

“They’re exhausted. Why won’t they go to bed?”

“They’ve talked about this all week. Why won’t they go now?”

Because the difficulty isn’t necessarily with the activity.

The demand itself may be the barrier.

So what can help?

Reduce the running commentary.

Try not to repeatedly remind, question or point out the obvious:

“You must be hungry.”

“You need the toilet.”

“You said you wanted to go.”

“You’ll be exhausted tomorrow.”

Instead, make things easier to access without adding another layer of pressure.

Food can be available without insisting it is eaten.

The toilet can be accessible without repeated prompting.

Bedtime can become a gradual transition rather than a countdown.

A much-loved activity can be offered without making enjoyment compulsory.

And sometimes, simply recognising “this might have become a demand” changes the way we respond.

PDA isn’t only about demands coming from other people.

Sometimes the person is trying to negotiate demands coming from their own body, their own plans and even the things they love.

And that can be exhausting.

Mandy Cook
The Autistic Teacher.

09/29/2026

Sometimes the more we need our child to do something, the harder it becomes for them to do it.

Shoes need to go on.

Teeth need brushing.

We need to leave the house.

Bedtime was twenty minutes ago.

So naturally, the pressure starts creeping up.

“Come on.”

“I’ve asked you three times.”

“Shoes. Now.”

“We’re going to be late.”

And before we know it, something relatively small has become enormous.

For some autistic children, particularly those with a PDA profile, increasing the pressure can increase the feeling of demand. And if the demand is already triggering a threat response, more pressure can make accessing the task even harder.

So instead of immediately reducing the expectation, try reducing the demand around it.

Instead of:

“Put your shoes on.”

Try:

“Your shoes are by the door.”

Instead of:

“You need to get dressed now.”

Try:

“Red top or blue top today?”

Instead of:

“Go and brush your teeth.”

Try:

“I’ll come upstairs with you.”

Sometimes, say less.

Give the information and allow time for their brain to process it.

Use genuine choices.

Try declarative language.

Use humour.

Do the first bit together.

Be flexible about how something gets done.

And when something suddenly becomes difficult, get curious before getting firmer.

This isn’t about removing every boundary or expectation.

The teeth still need brushing. We still need to leave the house. Some things simply have to happen.

But if the way we’re asking has become part of the barrier, we can change the way we’re asking.

Reduce the demand, not necessarily the expectation.

Same destination.

Different route.

Mandy Cook
The Autistic Teacher.

09/29/2026

I used to wonder if I was a bad parent because I didn’t ask:

“How was your day?”

The drive home from school was often silent.

No questions about what they’d done.

No “What did you have for lunch?”

No “Who did you play with?”

No attempt to fill the silence with conversation.

Just… quiet.

And actually, my autistic children needed that.

They had spent the whole school day processing language, people, noise, expectations, transitions, sensory information and everything else that comes with simply existing in a busy environment.

By the time they got into the car, they didn’t necessarily need another conversation.

They needed nothing to be required of them for a while.

Even a perfectly ordinary question like “How was your day?” requires quite a lot.

Stop what you’re doing.

Process the question.

Search through several hours of memories.

Work out which bit the person wants to know about.

Find the words.

Form an answer.

And then probably answer the next question too.

Sometimes there just isn’t anything left for that.

So the car became quiet.

And I’ve realised that silence wasn’t a lack of connection.

The silence was the support.

Home doesn’t always need to begin with questions.

Maybe it’s a snack.

Headphones.

A familiar programme.

A screen.

Movement.

A bedroom door closing.

Sitting together without talking.

Whatever helps that nervous system begin to recover.

There can be time for talking later.

And if you’re the parent driving home in silence while everybody else’s children apparently tell them wonderful stories about their day…

You’re not necessarily doing it wrong.

Sometimes not asking the question is how we show we’ve understood the answer.

Mandy Cook
The Autistic Teacher.

09/28/2026

Tired of boundary-setting turning into yelling, shaming, or power struggles?

Here is the ACT Model—the exact therapeutic formula we teach parents for calm, firm, and connected limits:

A – Acknowledge the Feeling

Validate their desire first without judgment.

🗣️ "I know you’re really mad at that toy right now and feel like throwing it..."

C – Communicate the Limit

State the boundary neutrally without lecturing or saying "you can’t".

🗣️ "...but the hard wooden blocks are not for throwing."

T – Target Acceptable Alternatives

Give the big feeling a safe, physical exit.

🗣️ "...You can throw this foam ball, or you can smash this playdough."

Acknowledge. Communicate. Target.

Save this post so you have it ready the next time big feelings flare up at home!

Want to learn more? Schedule a parent consultation today!

Send a message to learn more

09/27/2026

Self-awareness isn’t just knowing your strengths and weaknesses. It’s noticing what’s happening within you — and understanding how that shapes what happens around you. 🧠💛

It’s recognizing your emotions, tuning into your thoughts, staying connected to your values, being present, noticing your impact on others, and staying open to feedback that helps you grow.

Because the more clearly we see ourselves, the more intentionally we can choose how we respond. ✨

What part of self-awareness are you working on right now? 👇

09/26/2026

We naturally say "Good job!" out of pure love—parenting is hard, and you’re doing great! ❤️

If you want to build your child’s inner confidence, here’s a gentle shift from CPRT: focus on their effort, not just the result.

Try these easy swaps when you have the energy:

• Instead of "Good job on that tower!"

👉 "You kept trying until you figured that out!"

• Instead of "Your drawing is so pretty!"

👉 "You knew exactly what you wanted to make."

No need to catch yourself every time. Even small shifts help them trust themselves.

Which one feels easiest to try today?

Want to learn more? Schedule a parent consultation today via Headway!

Send a message to learn more

09/24/2026

What if you could dramatically improve your child’s behavior and connection with just 30 minutes a week?

It’s called Special Play Time, and here is the exact framework we use in Child-Parent Relational Therapy:

⏰ 30 Minutes, Once a Week

📱 Zero Screens or Distractions: No multitasking or phones. Just 100% of your focused presence.

🎨 100% Child-Led: No teaching, correcting, or directing. They choose what to play and how to play it.

Interested? Schedule a parent consultation today via Headway.

Send a message to learn more

09/22/2026

Connection Over Correction
Ever ask your child “How was your day?” or “Why did you do that?” and get met with a blank stare or a meltdown?

Here is a game-changing perspective: Play is a child’s language, and toys are their words.

While adults talk things out, kids process big emotions, work through frustrations, and build resilience through self-directed play.

That is the foundation of Child-Parent Relational Therapy (CPRT). Instead of sending your child into an office alone, CPRT equips you with clinical relationship-building tools to become their primary source of emotional healing.

Through 1-on-1 virtual coaching, we break down simple, powerful techniques you can use at home in just 30 minutes a week.

Sessions are individual, conducted via telehealth, and covered by insurance.

Ready to bring more calm and connection into your home? Send a DM or check out the link in the comments to book through Headway!

Send a message to learn more