10/12/2026
Thought this might be of value to a few parents...
https://www.facebook.com/100032374042152/posts/1775213333567784/
The hardest part wasn’t always what happened to my daughter after school. It was trying to explain it to people who never saw it.
They didn’t see the anxiety building the night before. The panic in the mornings, the meltdowns, or how much of herself she had to hold together just to get through the school day.
And they certainly didn’t see what happened when she came home.
Sometimes she’d barely make it through the door before everything she’d been holding in came pouring out. Other times, she’d withdraw completely, exhausted from trying to cope.
But when I tried to explain this, I kept hearing the same thing.
“She’s fine when she’s here.”
And somehow, what I was witnessing every day became something I had to prove.
I wasn’t asking them to believe something impossible. I was asking them to believe what was happening when they weren’t there.
Instead, I found myself answering questions about my parenting. Was I maintaining boundaries? Was I making things worse? Was I encouraging her enough?
But why wasn’t anybody asking what it was costing my daughter to appear okay at school?
Why was the absence of visible distress in the classroom considered stronger evidence than the distress we were living with at home?
Parents see the parts of the school day that nobody else does. The hours before it begins, the aftermath when it ends, and sometimes the days it takes for a child to recover.
It’s one of the reasons I wrote The School Is Lava from the child’s perspective. Because a child shouldn’t have to fall apart in front of a professional before their distress is believed.
❤️ Please share this if you’ve ever felt you had to prove what your child was going through. Another parent might need to see that they’re not alone.
Comment the word LAVA if you’d like to know more about the book.
