Martha Kauppi

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Martha Kauppi Every therapist should talk about s*x in therapy.

"I encourage my clients to think of the first set of agreements as an experiment; you’re going to try something out, gat...
10/08/2026

"I encourage my clients to think of the first set of agreements as an experiment; you’re going to try something out, gather information, assess, and develop a new plan that’s informed by what you learned. In fact, I recommend that you put time on the calendar to review the experiment and discuss how it went for all concerned — because, in my experience, a process of incremental experimentation is one of the secrets to a really well-functioning relationship. Responding to one another as you explore new territory creates safety and trust, which allows for more exploration. That’s a much better strategy than deciding how it has to be and then trying to fit yourself and others into a hypothetical structure."

10/05/2026

"If we can't do anything but talk about how sh*tty it is and how disappointing it is, I am really uncertain why I'm there. So it's not that I don't have compassion for it, and I can have empathy for it, but I don't wanna make it bigger. I don't wanna throw my energy onto their energy and make it everything is so disappointing, endorsed by a therapist. ... Instead, I wanna try to identify where are we going? And so what I ended up doing with this couple, and this is a way outlier case, but I actually said, "Let's play a game. Would you be willing to sign on to Martha's rules for the next session? No reference to the past. Zero references to the past." And they really just were like, " Wait, what?" Then what can we talk about?" And so it ended up, I was like, "Yep, no references to the past. What do you want? What do you want to experience? What are you hoping for? Where are you going? What would you like to try that's different?" Even a clear request, "What would you like your partner to try that's different?" We're going toward the future."

Sexual trauma is all too common, and its lasting impacts shape our client’s relationships with their bodies, with their ...
10/02/2026

Sexual trauma is all too common, and its lasting impacts shape our client’s relationships with their bodies, with their partners, and with their world. My training “Pathways to Intimacy After Trauma: 7 Steps For Helping Clients Heal” is about contending with the long-lingering ramifications of trauma, and helping your clients forge a path forward.
https://www.instituteforrelationalintimacy.com/pathways-to-intimacy-after-trauma

09/30/2026

"Even if it's an addiction, you are still actually responsible for your actions. It's not like I can get stoned on he**in and go murder somebody, and just because it was just an addiction, I'm not accountable. You are accountable for your actions, period. That is true. There's a way in which I don't care what we call it, you're making choices. And if you're using substances, you're making a choice that makes it harder for you to use impulse control." - Martha Kauppi

When someone has a deepened sense of self, it can lead to broader understanding when it comes to love, romance, and dati...
09/28/2026

When someone has a deepened sense of self, it can lead to broader understanding when it comes to love, romance, and dating. This is especially true post-divorce. In this episode of our podcast, hosts Martha Kauppi and Dr. K. Skye Henry Smith discuss how the dating world changes in midlife, bringing real experience to the table, and providing professional insight.
https://www.iheart.com/podcast/1323-untangling-intimacy-build-315256685/episode/dating-after-divorce-and-exploring-love-in-midlife-345507043

I believe that every relationship calls on us to grow. I know—from lots and lots of experience—that you can build the sk...
09/21/2026

I believe that every relationship calls on us to grow. I know—from lots and lots of experience—that you can build the skills you need to support the relationships of your dreams, and I have the roadmap to help you get there. If you’re in a non-monogamous relationship, and there’s somewhere you want to get that’s not quite where you are now, I’d like to help.
https://www.instituteforrelationalintimacy.com/cnm-coaching-program

09/18/2026

"When a little bit of heat surfaces in your therapy room, I would call that progress. But then you have to be able to tolerate the heat, and also help them figure out how to tolerate the heat. And a really good skill is breathe, ground, and ... the partner could ask, "What was your intent when you said that?" The partner could ask about the impact. What's the difference between intent and impact? The partner could ask "Where did you learn this?" Or, "How did you think about it, last time I had some change to my body?" Or just helping somebody formulate an inquiry is a signal that no bomb actually happened here. We are all okay. We're still breathing. You can still talk. Also, I'll tell somebody who's just pi**ed you should feel free to leave this relationship any time you want. I'm not gonna tell you not to, but until then, let's talk, right? Let's see what you can learn, because maybe what you're gonna learn is something really important to you about your partner's character, but you can't learn it from one thing that they said today. You would have to ask them some stuff."

Question for our readers:I’ve often been disappointed by therapist trainings in the past — and it’s really important to ...
09/16/2026

Question for our readers:
I’ve often been disappointed by therapist trainings in the past — and it’s really important to me that the IRI take a different approach. So, I’d love to know: What hasn’t worked for you in therapist trainings in the past? What do you think would make a difference for you?

My CNM coaching program is kicking off this October, and signups are open! It’s designed to support people in non-monoga...
09/14/2026

My CNM coaching program is kicking off this October, and signups are open! It’s designed to support people in non-monogamous relationships with common challenges, and create a community where it’s safe to be open about your relationship structure.

Here’s the outline:
-4 live meetings with me, my amazing colleague Robin Eastman, and the group to build your relational skills through experiential work
-Purpose-built resources — written and video — to support your growth
-A dedicated community forum so you can get to know each other, support each other, and stay connected

Curious? There’s a lot more info here. https://www.instituteforrelationalintimacy.com/cnm-coaching-program

Address

111 S 1st Street Ste 120
Madison, WI
53704

Telephone

+16086984171

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