06/02/2026
•Body Image Emotional Damage: The Cycle Ends With Me•
I’m going to talk about a form of generational trauma that stops with me. And that is the unhealthy relationship that some of my family members, whether they’re conscious of it or not, have with food and bodies. I’m calling it out, here and now.
I have family members who openly admit they struggle with body dysmorphia and disordered eating, and I give them all the props.
This is not about them- they personally know the pain of being on the other end of the messaging I’m about to describe, and how an “innocuous” comment can literally alter the trajectory of a child’s life, of a person’s life.
This is for the not-so-self aware, whom I believe may struggle with body image as well, but are choosing to project their body insecurities in the form of judgment of others’ bodies.
This isn’t written for anyone in particular. However, sometimes I struggle with men- in particular those of the older generation-who, by no fault of their own, aren’t as aware of body affairs in general, because it was all hush hush when they grew up. Some listen and learn though - and some, like my dad, understand and get it. But others are stubborn and don’t hear us, and I wish they could in their lane when it comes to women’s bodies- postpartum bodies, post- menopausal bodies, hormones and their effects- and a million other things that affect our bodies.
Sometimes, if you don’t have the lived experience, the best thing to do is listen. Learn. Be supportive.
At 13 years old, it was a comment from an older relative (not a member of my parents’ generation, this was a family member from my grandparents’ era) that kicked my eating disorder into high gear. While I haven’t actively partaken in ED behaviors in years, the body dysmorphia, and negative body image thoughts have never left.
As children and adults, or “adult children“ we see and hear all the little things family members may not realize. I’m calling out the unacceptable behavior, because it’s 2026, and I absolutely refuse to have my son go through any of what I did. Children are listening, paying attention and absorbing everything- a lot more than they are given credit for. I know because I vividly remember being a child, and I’m surprised how many adults forget being kids and infantilize them.
We catch the comments folks make that you think we didn’t hear about someone getting chubby, or why someone’s diet is bad. The “you look good” comments that actually mean “you look thin”.
The whisper from one adult to another that a great niece is putting on weight (because you know, puberty), that they don’t think anyone heard. But her cousin heard it, and told her mother what was said. That mother reported back to the mother of the great niece in question. Then, her parents discussed it in hushed tones in the hallway at midnight. They don’t know that she had gotten up to get water and was on the other side of the wall, listening to every word. Two years later, the whole family sits on the inpatient unit of an eating disorder program, their 17 year old daughter with a tube in her nose across from them, and everyone is wondering how they got there.
Kids absorb the messaging around them really young, and I want Caleb, my preschooler , growing up not focused on other people’s bodies or tying appearance to worth.
Commenting about family members, people you know, and strangers on the street being overweight is abhorrent behavior.
Inside thoughts cannot be helped- but they can be kept inside.
All bodies are good bodies. The critics feign concern when confronted with this.
“But the state of their health, that surely cannot be good for them.”
Well, that’s between them and their physician. Their HIPAA doesn’t extend to random strangers, sorry.
Part of human decency is treating each other how we want to be treated and not putting people down, especially for things they can’t control.
These negative body statements teach something, even when these adults insist they mean nothing by them.
They teach that every inch of our bodies are constantly being watched, measured, ranked, and morally evaluated. They teach that thinness earns approval and larger bodies invite scrutiny, judgment and discussion.
They teach that a person’s worth, discipline, desirability, or goodness can be all be boiled down to appearance.
What a horrible and shallow worldview.
And children are listening.
If a person constantly narrates judgment about bodies, it makes others feel psychologically unsafe even if they never say anything directly to said person.
I grew up in the brutal 90s and early 2000s eating disorder breeding ground, when he**in chic was at its’ height. Nary a girl who came of age between Monica Lewinsky and “United We Stand” escaped unscathed. Most of us have emotional damage and battle wounds, even if they can’t be seen with the naked eye.
I will not stand for Caleb growing up in an emotional climate that is anything other than safe and reassuring when it comes to body image.
With Caleb, we can talk about all of the wonderful things that bodies do- they walk, run, and dance-our hands help us draw, write, play, and hug our loved ones, our legs help us ride bikes, our arms help us wave hello, express joy and stretch out on a lazy sun drenched summer day. Bodies are different sizes because people are different, we all have individualized circumstances nobody else can see. Our differences make us unique and beautiful.
We can celebrate bodies and all the amazing things they do.
However, if anyone chooses to discuss the bodies of others in relation to weight in front of my child, I will walk. I will walk away from the moment, and I will do so every time that thinness, someone’s body size or weight comes up. I will call out these behaviors for what they are. Because, 1998 is calling, and it wants its’ toxic and unhealthy, and damaging body standards back.
Because now it’s 2026 and this generational cycle and generational trauma ends with me.
