09/15/2026
Why does every conversation with your child seem to turn into a fight? Why do your attempts to help leave both of you feeling worse?
When a child or teen experiences emotions that feel overwhelming, their brain naturally searches for relief. Sometimes that relief comes through behaviours that worry the adults who love them most, including self harm or other self destructive coping strategies. Understanding why those behaviours develop changes the way we respond.
In this episode, Dr. Caroline Buzanko is joined by therapist and author Katie K. May to explore why validation is one of the most powerful tools for reducing emotional intensity, why regulating yourself comes before trying to regulate your child, and how everyday interactions can either strengthen connection or increase conflict.
You'll learn why emotional validation does not encourage unhealthy behaviour, how to recognise what sits underneath anger and irritability, practical ways to step out of power struggles, and why building connection often starts with simply sharing space together.
If you're supporting a young person with anxiety, emotional dysregulation, depression, self harm, or intense emotional reactions, this conversation offers practical strategies you can begin using today.
In this episode you'll learn:
Why self destructive behaviours often become short term coping strategies
How validation lowers emotional intensity
Why regulating yourself changes everything
How to avoid escalating emotional storms
Ways to rebuild connection after conflict
What radical acceptance really means for families
Practical communication strategies that strengthen trust
About Katie K. May
Katie K. May is a licensed therapist, author, speaker, and group practice owner. She founded Creative Healing, a multi-location teen support center in the Philadelphia area, and wrote the #1 Amazon best-seller You’re On Fire, It’s Fine. Her second book for clinicians, Teen DBT in Practice will be published in July 2026. With lived experience as a teen who turned to self-harm, Katie is one of a select few Board Certified DBT Clinicians in Pennsylvania, the gold standard treatment for self-harm and suicidal behaviors. She equips parents and clinicians with practical, trauma-informed tools to decode behavior as survival and create lasting change.
Website: www.katiekmay.com
Instagram for Parents of Teens: https://www.instagram.com/creative_healing
Instagram for Therapists: https://www.instagram.com/katiekmay
Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katiekmay
Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/
Resources:
You're on Fire, It's Fine: Effective Strategies for Parenting Teens with Self-Destructive Behaviors https://geni.us/YoureonFireItsFine
Homework Ideas
Build a Stress Meter
Create your own stress scale from 0 to 10.
Ask yourself several times each day:
Where am I right now?
What do I need before responding?
Practise using calming strategies before difficult conversations.
Validate Before Solving
For one week, resist the urge to immediately fix your child's emotions.
Use statements like:
"I can see this is really hard."
"That makes sense."
"I'm here with you."
Notice how the conversation changes.
Notice and Name Emotions
When emotions appear, simply label them.
Examples:
"You seem disappointed."
"You look frustrated."
"I can see you're angry."
Avoid jumping immediately into solutions.
Spend 15 Minutes Together Without Correcting
Spend fifteen uninterrupted minutes in the same room.
No reminders.
No criticism.
No advice.
No problem solving.
Just share space together.
Practise Your Own Emotional Modelling
When you're becoming overwhelmed, say it aloud.
"I'm feeling frustrated."
"I'm going to take a few minutes."
"I'll come back when I'm calmer."
Your child learns emotional regulation by watching yours.
